Musings Of The Procrastinating Mind

January 4, 2008
Mood: Contemplative (as usual)

(listening to: Boys Like Girls)

I'm supposed to be studying for a geography test. But as always happens when I'm listening to music whilst reading up on a subject I don't appreciate that much, my mind is somewhere else, scattered, going more than 100 mph in various directions.

My greatest strength and flaw is that I think too much.

So yeah. In the few hours I've spent sitting here, supposedly studying for a test, I've learned a lot. Loads of things. None of which are related to the subject I really need to be reviewing, but in my opinion is a lot more relevant to my life than how icebergs sculpt the landscape. :P

I've learned one key element in all the music that I like. I realized it while I was listening to Up Against The Wall. Every single song I like gives me this specific feeling... it's hard to describe. I'd say a delicious pain, a hollow ache of longing or something. But meh. Pleasurable to me, at least.

But enough rambling, let's get to the purpose of this post.

While I was pondering, I happened to be facing my wall that's plastered with posters. One side has anime posters, the other has my Prisoner of Azkaban poster.

And so all these memories and thoughts rush in my head. Memories of how I felt when I entered the bookstore that day in July, fully decked in Hogwarts garb... the excitement I felt when I held the book, a decade or so of secrets about to be revealed to me... how the world stopped (at least for us) on July 21... how everything came to a standstill as we all read the finale to the series that we grew up with...

Then I thought about a friend of mine, who documented his July 21 experience. I can't help but smile everytime I remember his expression when he finally got the book. His breathing came faster, he was just... bursting with joy and excitement. It was so cute. And then I also remembered my beloved person who is yet unaware of my affection (:P). He cried when he got the book. And I fully understand why.

A door closed. This series has been our life, our anchor. It was indeed bittersweet.

And this is coming from me. To tell the truth, I'm not a hardcore Potter fan. I've never been. I've never been that "in" the wizarding community. I don't know that much about Harry Potter, I've never been a big fan of Wrock, heck, I don't even have a wand.

But I love Harry Potter. I love everything that's happened to my life because of it. I love how it has built bridges, connected people all over the globe. I love how two perfect strangers can strike up a friendship while waiting in line at the bookshop to buy the latest Harry Potter book. I love how two people who don't even speak the same language smile at each other when they see each other carrying a Harry Potter book in a different language.

And so I think, what would have happened to me if I never really got in the Harry Potter fandom? My immediate thought was, wow, that would've been a very sad life. And yes. It would have been.

It's hard to tell how your life would have ended up if you take out one key element. Really, it is. Because if something didn't happen, it could be that something else would have happened in it's stead, leaving you with virtually the same life, except a bit different. OR, it could result in catastrophe. Either way, it's never the same, and it's hard to predict.

But it is worth a shot. So I tried to go back memory lane, to trace back to the time when I first got into HP. I remember that it was because of a newspaper article. The Potter hype was just starting back then, and I remember not really caring about it, since I've already got my anime world to worry about. But that article had some Harry Potter questions in it, and I couldn't answer them. Then I saw the thing at the bottom, "If you do not know the answer to any of these questions, then you are a Muggle, meaning that not one drop of magical blood flows in your veins."

Now, that's about the worst thing you can say to a fantasy geek.

And yes. It all stemmed from there. Now I'm here, watching it snow outside, completely contented with my life, staring at my HP poster, and contemplating the fact that my Harry Potter friends from all over the globe are just waking up right now. I'm also saving up for a possible trip this summer, not really possible if it weren't for HP.

What if I hadn't seen that newspaper article? Or, what if I did read it, but didn't pay any attention? What if my young self had said "HP, bah. I don't need another obsession. I'll stick with anime"?

If that had indeed happened, I can think of endless scenarios that could have resulted from it. Each one leading to a different future, each one leading to a different state of mind. Hard to predict. But I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't have the same connections I have now, I wouldn't know half the things I know now, I wouldn't be half as happy as I am now, and I would still be desperately clutching on to a past that I have long since let go of.

Or I may be dead, and the last post in this blog would have been a suicide note.

Or maybe this blog wouldn't be here in the first place.

Or maybe, nothing would change. Maybe something else would prompt me to start this blog, somethine else would prompt me to write this, and I would be writing of that something else.

Maybe instead of the friends I have now, I would've made different friends in a different circle of life. That circle may exist isolated from the circle I have now, or who knows. Maybe it would have interlapped, and I would've ended again in the exact same place I am now, but in a different way.

Again, endless possibilities. None of which I really have the desire to explore. I'm quite happy with the life I have now... I would say I'm very happy and content if it weren't for the feeling of impending doom brought upon by this blasted geography test. And the social studies test. And the math test. And the gym test. Siriusly*, who needs to take a written exam in gymnastics? Why is it needed? I don't get the point.

I also have a Japanese test. But meh, I can study for that in between classes.

(*Also brought upon by the Potter community.)

I don't have a list of New Year's resolutions. Mainly because I know I wouldn't be able to fulfill them anyways, but also because the point of having one is to change yourself, thus improving your life. But frankly, I'm really really contented with the life I have now. I think I'll keep it like this for a while.

Or wait, perhaps I should write here a bit more. As you've probably noticed, I've barely updated this thing the past year. I have a whole laundry list of excuses; too busy, schoolwork, afraid to be stalked (ironically enough), couldn't think of anything, never got around to it, acid reflux, etc etc etc

But whatever. It's a brand new year. I'll update more.

Ciao.