Of Library Musings And Religious Bullshit

January 28, 2008
Mood: somber

It's free period. I'm sitting in the library. I should probably be doing something a bit more productive right now... something a bit more substantial than a blog post. But I don't particularly care. Besides, I've been itching to update this thing for several days now. It's time I finally do so...

This is again, one of those days that I don't feel like doing anything except rot away in my bed.

But not really. This is one of those days that I don't really feel like doing anything. Except die. Just joking. Not really.

No, it's not a bad day. Far from it. Under normal circumstance I should be fine. But lately I've been kind of... philosophical. And as much as that's a good thing, it's also bad. Cause philosophical thoughts depress me.

Maybe taking History and Philosophy next year isn't such a hot idea after all...

Europe is a nice place to live in. But is my life just to be confined to keeping up with the latest fashion trends, studying hard to get good grades to secure a nice spot at a university, traveling to other European countries? Granted, there's surely more to it than that, but it feels like an empty existence.

Asia was also a nice place to live in. But is life really all about business, keeping up with religious bureaucracy (and bullshit)? I'm sure there's more... I just don't see it. I'm blind. Selective blindness. Excellent disease.

My problem is that for a Cancer, I find it relatively hard to commit to anything.

Cause I know that everything ends, eventually.

True, I could just enjoy the journey while I'm at it. But I don't know.

I hope this dreary feeling of gloom ends soon. It's suffocating. I don't like it. It's a very familiar feeling, but this is one feeling of familiarity I'd rather forget.

I had a dream last night. It involved a picture.

A picture of me kissing someone.

Hurray.

You would've been perfect... but not really. I guess it's fine as it is. We wouldn't have been compatible anyways.

I want to sit here and not move. No, I want to disappear and reappear again when I feel like it.

Is there really a God?

Yes. I'm sure there's a God. But his followers are insane.

I saw a documentary last night. Turns out that Herod, twisted and power-hungry as he was, had NEVER ordered the massacre of the innocents. No. It never happened. Or if it did, it wasn't him.

I am finding out more and more truths about this book that is the cornerstone of my belief. And well, if the cornerstone turns out to be built of lies... How am I supposed to keep on believing?

Jesus once mentioned something about how having faith the size of a mustard seed was good enough. Or something along those lines. Well, I believe in God. I do. Because the universe is filled with too much wonder, too many amazing things, too many fantastic creations, that there HAS to be a God. This isn't just the product of some random natural selection... No. Someone created this whole thing. Why? I don't know. No one knows. I don't know if anyone will ever know. Why was this whole shebang created? No one knows either. All we can do is speculate, and live our lives the best way we know.

Sometimes I feel like turning Agnostic. Organized religion is filled with too much bullshit nowadays. Hypocrites right and left... propaganda everywhere. What these righteous, motherfucking religious leaders don't understand is that... well, just because they believe in something doesn't make them superior. Children believe in Santa too, you know.

And God speaks to you. Okay. You believe so, I won't trash your belief. But if it comes to the point that you start saying "God told me that these books are the work of the devil!!" well I've got news for you. It's called Schizophrenia, my dear child. Look it up.

You know that your God is fictional if he hates the same people that you do.

Whatever happened to "love your neighbor"? Nowadays it's all "prosecute the sinners and interpret the Bible the way you see fit. Oh, and prosecute the sinners." We're back to the days of the Pharisees, we're back to crucifying people because their lifestyle doesn't match with our belief system.

I don't like it. Not one bit.

The worst part is that these religious hypocrites do not know how to listen! True, they can "hear" the voice of God, but can they hear their neighbors? NOOOOO. It will be a cold day in hell before these righteous fuckers decide to open their ears and finally pull out that log sticking out of their eyes.

If Jesus were alive today, He'd cry. I'm sure He would.

A wise man once said, "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

It was Mahatma Gandhi, I believe. But I may be wrong. It doesn't matter though. Whoever said that hit the nail right on the head. It's true. So true. So true it should be framed and plastered to the faces of all the Pharisees today.

I think I'd rather be Agnostic than deal with all this bullshit. Ha. Agnostic. My grandparents would love that. So would my aunt. So nice to have come from a family of right-wing, über-conservative religious hippies. Close-minded hippies. At least the real hippies from the 70's were open to everything.

But I don't care. I don't care anymore. Organized religion is only draining the life out of me. Sometimes I feel as though I'm desperately clinging to this shit only because I'm afraid of hell.

But if heaven is full of these organized righteous hippies... then it isn't all that it's cracked up to be.

I believe in God. But not in his people. His people are insane.

And you wanna hear God talk? I believe that I hear him speak whenever I'm lying in an open field, staring up at the vast, starry sky. When the wind blows in my face, when I can smell the clean, crisp air, when the grass around me starts moving... yes. I hear Him then.

Too bad you guys are too busy hearing yourself talk to even hear His voice.