Blank Eyes

January 24, 2008
Mood: Restless

So my inner demons have decided to work full time today.

I'm in Spanish class. I shouldn't be here. Today I feel like just wasting away in my bed, listening to angsty music and just letting the world go by. A cigarette would complete that picture, only that I don't smoke.

It took me quite long to get up today. I knew from the moment I woke up that this wasn't gonna be my best day.

But whatever. One must keep up with the tide of life or be swept away.

Change.

I hate change. I fear change. It may be for the better, but akin to a butterfly pushing its way out of the cocoon... the transition is often painful.

Maybe happy endings are happy because the people involved are smart enough to end everything while it's still going good?

Right now... I want it to be night. I want to be lying down in the middle of an empty field, staring up at the night sky. I don't care if it's starry or starless, full moon or no moon... I just want to be there. It always helps me with my thoughts. The feeling of peace and serenity that few other things can offer.

Why do I think too much?

I thought that huge dark shadow covering the 18 year mark was gone. It was clear before. But now it's covered with a thick fog. I can't see more than a few feet from where I am. I only have blind faith and blind devotion to cling to... to get me there. I can't even remember what was there before the fog came.

It's hard to make decisions when you start learning more. Because the more you know, the more the world becomes blurred around the edges. Everything you thought was right is wrong, and everything you thought was wrong is right. Come to think of it, nothing is ever solid right and wrong. Everything depends on how you justify it.

But what is life anyway but a never-ending quest for answers?