Incoherent Musings

The first winter snow.

I'm incredibly tired, wanting nothing more than to plop down on my bed and sleep for a hundred years.
But I won't, because then I won't see you.

Despite the tiredness, I am incredibly happy.
You've turned me into the thing I hate.
I am now a happy person - I now spew rainbows and fluffy rabbits.
Damn you.

Normality and Weirdness

What is "weird"? Is it the opposite of normal?

Well then, what is "normal"? Does normal mean conforming to the society around you? Does normal mean doing whatever everyone else around you does? If so, then normal is dangerous.

Suppose you lived in an ignorant, close-minded society, and you wanted to be "normal"... do you then choose to become ignorant too?

But make no mistakes, it's entirely normal for people to want to be a part of the norm. No one wants to be an outcast. No one wants to be the lonely kid sitting in a corner, watching everyone else go by.

But sometimes you have to make a stand. Sometimes you have to go against the norm. Sometimes you have to be the "weird" kid. Sometimes it's the right thing to do.

Because if we all keep the "normal" mentality... never daring to do something out of the norm, never daring to do something extraordinary... then society will be reduced to a bunch of mindless drones. Zombies, with no brains of their own... wandering around aimlessly, shuffling awkwardly from side to side, following people who are merely following other people too.

"Normal" mentality led to witch hunts, trials and executions. "Normal" mentality led to the banishing of aboriginals from their own homes. "Normal" mentality led to racism. "Normal" mentality led to the destruction of empires... to wars, both civil and major.

"Normal" mentality has led, and is still leading, to the persecution of the "weird" - the different.

So for the sake of normality, let us all be weird.

And yes. I have a test tomorrow. Hence, the insightful blog post.

People fear what they do not understand.

Of Pride and Prejudice

Aaaand I finished watching the 1995 BBC Pride and Prejudice miniseries.

All 6 episodes... I started watching at 4:30 pm and now it's 10:10 pm.

Just allow me to say this...

Colin Firth as Mr Darcy is sooo fucking hot.
Dashing, sexy, charming, etc.

It totally did not help matters much when he started displaying the mannerisms of The Sun I've been gushing on about lately.

A friend of mine is going to pay severely for this. >_<

Jane Bennet: No, seriously, Lizzy. When did you first know you were in love with Mr. Darcy?

Elizabeth Bennet: It came on so slowly I hardly know... but I believe I must date it from the time I first saw his wonderful grounds at Pemberley.

Loot and Chocolates

So I went to an anime convention today.

So nice to see so many of my people gathered together in one tiny space, breathing into each other's necks, trying to grab the last plushie/last whatever item they're after.

I shall not be posting any pics, because I am lazy.

Booty (LOOT, okay?):

- a Domo-kun plushie
- a Konoha headband
- an Urahara keychain
- a free manga sample
- an L sticker
- dozens of pictures

...and later on...

- YYH Manga vol.15
- a Yaoi manga xD

Then when I got home, I saw that my mother had graciously purchased a box of my favorite chocolate for moi!!

Oh and she also bought me a new watch--

--but anyway - chocolate!! Tis a box of Ferrero Rocher. Truly, pure goodness, it is.

I would take a pic, but again, I'm too lazy. Do not blame me, I just spent the whole day walking around... mostly trying to chase down the cosplayers to take pictures. But bah.

I shall leave now, the chocolates need eating. :D

Incomprehensible

This is a poem I wrote back when the darkness took over and I had not yet met the sun.

Reason for posting: My blood-sugar level is quite low at the moment, and I'm currently listening to a very angsty song by Nine Inch Nails.

INCOMPREHENSIBLE

Voices come and haunt me again
The cut I made was too deep
Now the blood is starting to seep
Leaving an imprint, a dark red stain

Carmine liquid’s flow i have to restrain
Not let a single drop drop
No one can harvest my crop
What’s going on? Can’t understand my brain

Didn’t want this to go this way
A slip of the fingers
A rupture of cells
Guess some price I have to pay

Wandering blindly for some cure
A balm to soothe
Though the point is moot
Murky precipitate on my arm’s pure

The lights are on, no difference made
Unsteady pulse, unsteady steps
Vacuous, morbid, uninitiated prep
Have I done this time, sealed my own fate?

Slumped into the throne of dreams
Let out an uneasy laugh
Think I’m done, slashed too rough
Oh God, who hears my screams?

~owari~

Library Poem

My sunlight
streaming into my life
Fountain of joy
Bringer of bliss

Your visage
A gift from the gods
Bestowed unto mortals
Directly from above

The Fates are cruel
Yet incredibly kind
To make our paths meet
Makes my life worthwhile

A single glimpse
Gives a natural high
What is it with your presence
That makes me go mad?

You are my muse
You are my light
You are my beacon
In the darkness of my life

More I can say
But more I won't say
For when you are near me
Reason disappears

Heels over head I've fallen
Yet I continue to fall
This could go on forever
But I wouldn't want it to end...

The Dangers of Sexy Hair

I wanted to do this today. Oh, how I wanted to...



What I wouldn't give to have been able to do that!

FRIGGIN SEXY HAIR!!!

GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

You've turned me into an addict
You're the object of my obsession;
My unhealthy, unrequited love affair
You've turned me into an addict

- 'My Human Meth', The Crazy Authoress

Of Tests, Thoughts and Bedheads

I just drank another packet of iced coffee. I'm waiting for the effects to kick in, then I'll start reading for me history test tomorrow.

In the meantime, I'm watching The Daily Show. Or at least, listening to it.

I had a math test today. Never did I think that I'd ever take another test that would make me want to cry. Screw that subject!! My mother was very gracious about it though. I talked to her about it, and she made me realize that it is a part of the whole human experience to make mistakes. I love my mother.

And this thought entered my mind a few moments ago. I realized that right at this moment, something horrible is happening to someone, somewhere else in the world. Someone could be murdering someone, or being murdered, or waking up in a puddle of blood, or being rushed to the hospital with terrible injuries.

My mind comes up with these things when I am completely tired. I should start painting them sometimes.

And today... oh Elessar... the bedhead. The BEDHEAD!! Me thinks there is no sexier hairstyle a man could have than the bedhead. Oh dear Elessar. Oh Elbereth!

I should go and start reading now.

In the '60s and '70s, people used acid to make the world look different. Now today, people take Prozac to make it look normal.

-Joe Bonewitz

A Caffeine-Induced Musing

I'm supposed to be studying for a test. But as usual, it's when I have to study that the philosophical thoughts come rushing in.

Well, that, and that I've just drank a whole can of Iced Coffee after going on for a week without caffeine... it's not really a can though, more of a rectangular plastic/paper combination sachet. Whatever.

Anyway...

If humans were immortal, we would not have any of the technological advancements we enjoy today.


That is my claim.

Quite simple really. Because human lifespans don't last for very long, the generations don't last for very long either. Each generation, although used to the current way of living, still want to surpass the previous one. So it becomes a life-goal to develop things that would make life easier/flashier/better.

Ever since the first stone tools were made, technology has only developed faster and faster. This could be because of the mentality a short lifespan has brought on. A kind of "I have a decade or so to develop this thing so I would still be alive to reap the benefits" sort of thing. That's the motivation; to achieve something before one dies. To ensure that ones offsprings would live a better life.

If humans were immortal, on the other hand... what would the motivation be?

Why would one want to study the traditional way, when one has an eternity ahead? What would be the point of developing new things if the old ones still work? I'm probably being too cynical, but think about it. Why would an immortal invent a cannon if he still has a robust sword?

Again, this could be brought upon by my negative view of immortality. I know certain people who would like to be immortal. I don't really get it. It would be hell on earth. I get bored easily, so living forever would be unbearable. Plus you'd live to see all the ones you love die - one by one, before your very eyes. I could not ever bear to witness that. Torture, I tell ye. You'd be afraid to love again after that.

And yes, you'd live to see great things - great human accomplishments and natural events. But you would also live to see great catastrophes, great human tragedies, plagues, famines, wars, the downfall of mighty civilizations. You'd see great beauty wasted by man's incosiderate actions. You'd see wasted lives, useless deaths, the early deaths of great people...

A short life is sweeter, I say.

Immortality - a fate worse than death.
- Edgar A. Shoaff

No Energy

I have 0% energy left.

But I'm happy today. Oh, glorious, glorious day.

:D

A Poem!

The Effect You Have On Me

I do not like musicals
I dislike having to dance
I despise happy people
Never even gave them a chance

But now I find I HAVE to dance
Sometimes I break out in song
There's glee in me I can't contain
It's just impossible to control

Oh, the effect you have on me...

I have become the thing I hate -
- a giggling, blushing mess
I jump around, I dance around
I sometimes do a jig

My steps have gained that hateful bounce
I practically prance around
I hug random people on the street
The world has turned around

The effect you have on me...

My life is now filled with music
It's the kind I hate too
The upbeat one - the HAPPY one
Unthinkable, yet true

Unicorns now nuzzle me
Rainbows pop out and greet me
I wave at them, I say hello
A dance! - then off I go

The. Effect. You. Have. On. Me.

Lack of Appetite

I cannot eat! D:

Or rather - I cannot eat properly!

My appetite has gone wacko! I'd be terrible hungry one moment, then suddenly lose my appetite after 2-3 bites of food. I can't be running on an empty stomach! It's maddening.

I know why I'm this way. Never thought I'd experience it, but ah well... shows how much I know.

...including pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, which act similar to amphetamines, stimulating the brain's pleasure center and leading to side-effects such as an increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement.
- Wikipedia (where else?)

Google Redesigned

And again I must post.

StumbleUpon has always provided me with wonderful stuff.

The latest would be Google Redesigned. Tis a Firefox Add-on, and what it does is basically make your Gmail look badass!

Oh yes. Mommy is pleased. :D

Look at it!! Just look at it!! It's perfect!!

Happiness

Oh yes!

I feel like dancing~!!

Doo dee doo!!

This calls for a happy song! :D

Too bad I can't think of any happy song at the moment xD

But yeah.

Special thanks to Elessar. Hail Aragorn!!

And Buddha.

[UPDATE: Song and Quote

I don't really have bubbly-happy songs in my collection. I'm an angsty kind of person, you see.

But here's a song that always makes me want to dance.




It's not really a *happy* song... but it's the best I have! xD

And quote... hmm... quote...]

There are some days when I think I'm going to die from an overdose of satisfaction.
-Salvador Dali

[Update 2: I read the quote again, and I just could not resist...]

Today is The Day

8:35 am

I'm in spanish class...

3 more hours...

9:35 am

A one second sighting! I'm a happy human.

Still anxious though...

2 more hours

12:01

A coffee cup on the table! A good sign!(?)

4 more minutes to the moment of truth..

I don't have butterflies in my stomach... I have fucking SNAKES eating the butterflies in mah tummy!!

12:10

YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! THANK ALL THE FECKING GODS!!!

Anticipation

Someone once called me an optimist. I promptly laughed at that person's face. No, not really. I said nothing. I was too surprised, because I considered myself the exact opposite.

But now I know that I am neither an optimist or a pessimist. I am a REALIST. Although at times I prefer to lean towards the positive, as thinking positive thoughts attracts positive experiences.

Having said that...

Right at this moment, I am being very, VERY negative.

The impending doom I've been dreading... the inevitable transition... it may happen tomorrow. I feel it in my bones. I feel it in the air.

And it makes me want to cry.

I'm considering, for the first time ever... truly considering doing things that I may go to jail for.

But first, I want to cry.

I hope to the highest heavens that I'm dead wrong about this. I really do.

I'll update tomorrow. And if I come back here bawling, then it's happened.

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
- Alfred Lord Tennyson