September 27, 2007
Mood: **unknown**
I want to do a lot of stuff. I want to search for my favorite things on google, I want to talk to a certain someone...
But I don't want to be hurt anymore.
The ice is melting, and the danger of sudden defrosting is becoming all too real. It scares me.
Had I tears to shed, I would cry. But sadly, I can't.
I must be a masochist. It's the only explanation; the only reason why I keep on walking the same path over and over again even though it ends in the same sad story every single time. I never learn. I hope that one day I will.
And I who thought that things have changed. But I guess you can never ever be quit of the darkness eh? It lingers... hanging over you like a wispy net... No matter how fast you run, it's still there. No matter how long you stay in the sun, it's still there. That, or maybe I'm just a really negative person.
Right now there is a look of utter exasperation on my face. It is coupled with sadness, resignation, and some other thing I can't place. Indifference? Perhaps.
Oh, how I love writing in cryptic messages.
Now it's even worse than before. Before, I only wanted one option. Now I still want that option, but at the same time I fear it. Trapped between two worlds, sweet.
Remind me why I walk this path again?
I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to be hurt again. I don't think I can take it.
When will the darkness go away? But then again, where one exists, so must the other. Balance. Right.
I need to stop before I hurt myself again...
27 September 2007
12 September 2007
Things That Make Me Go Weak In The Knees
September 12, 2007
Mood: *annual flu bug*
I have a cold, and I feel like hell. Therefore, I am going to make a random post, and you shall have no option but to read it.
This list refers to guys, btw. *sniff*
5 things that make me go weak in the knees;
1. Green eyes
Yes. Green eyes. Bright emerald green eyes. One time, I was in class, and this guy sat next to me. I asked him something, and made the mistake of looking at his face (or his eyes, rather). I tell ya, if I hadn't been sitting down, my bum would've hit the floor. Hard.
And if the eyes are like, intense, expressive eyes... oh, dear God...
2. Guitar
Rockstars. Need I say more?
Of course I do.
I love the guitar. I do, I really do. I can't play it, so my jaw really drops when someone plays it as though it was an extension of their own body (that may have sounded wrong, but honestly, I don't care). I especially love the electric guitar. I could just drown in the sound... the wail... the screech.
So yeah. Show me some shredding skills, and you'll soon be picking me up from the floor.
3. British accent
Ahh... yes. The divine accent. I dare you contradict me on this one. Technically, it is actually an English accent, but screw that. You know what I'm talking about anyways.
4. Red hair or spiky jet-black hair
Red hair + green eyes = deadly combination for me. Siriusly. Hotness.
Or the spiky jet-black hair. Coupled with pasty skin... *swoons* And skinny-ness, of course. Goth look, nam-nam!!
5. ........that...
Happy trails.
Aaaaaaand we're done.
Mood: *annual flu bug*
I have a cold, and I feel like hell. Therefore, I am going to make a random post, and you shall have no option but to read it.
This list refers to guys, btw. *sniff*
5 things that make me go weak in the knees;
1. Green eyes
Yes. Green eyes. Bright emerald green eyes. One time, I was in class, and this guy sat next to me. I asked him something, and made the mistake of looking at his face (or his eyes, rather). I tell ya, if I hadn't been sitting down, my bum would've hit the floor. Hard.
And if the eyes are like, intense, expressive eyes... oh, dear God...
2. Guitar
Rockstars. Need I say more?
Of course I do.
I love the guitar. I do, I really do. I can't play it, so my jaw really drops when someone plays it as though it was an extension of their own body (that may have sounded wrong, but honestly, I don't care). I especially love the electric guitar. I could just drown in the sound... the wail... the screech.
So yeah. Show me some shredding skills, and you'll soon be picking me up from the floor.
3. British accent
Ahh... yes. The divine accent. I dare you contradict me on this one. Technically, it is actually an English accent, but screw that. You know what I'm talking about anyways.
4. Red hair or spiky jet-black hair
Red hair + green eyes = deadly combination for me. Siriusly. Hotness.
Or the spiky jet-black hair. Coupled with pasty skin... *swoons* And skinny-ness, of course. Goth look, nam-nam!!
5. ........that...
Happy trails.
Aaaaaaand we're done.
10 September 2007
Ramblings Of A Neurotic Teen
September 10, 2007
Mood: *flickering between extremes*
*le sigh*
Have you ever had one of those days... not even days; moments... where you just suddenly become devoid of all emotion. Like, zilch. No feelings. None at all. Zip.
There was a point in my life when I was grateful for that... but I'm not so sure now.
Like, how would you react if you're just sitting there... and suddenly, you realize that you have lost all traces of feelings for your beloved. It's weird; scary; insane. You feel like it was just a dream, and waking hour suddenly arrived.
*le sigh*
Breaking away for a moment...
why is it that we often do stupid things in front of people we don't want to do stupid things in front of?
Er, perhaps I should rephrase that.
It's just insane, that when we desperately do not want to screw up in front of someone we like... well, we do screw up.
Law of attraction. Right. I get it.
But still... it's weird. And extremely unfair. And uncomfortable. And awkward.
Sometimes even when you try to reassure yourself over and over again that it's fine... well, it's not.
Sometimes it just makes you want to hide yourself for ten years...
Screw this. It'll be alright... right?
My emotions are back now. And I'm not really sure if I want them back.
Oooohh... maybe I just go into some 'instant numb mode' when I do something stupid... or when I think I do something stupid. Like a self-preservation thing, ya know?
I kinda like this.
Mood: *flickering between extremes*
*le sigh*
Have you ever had one of those days... not even days; moments... where you just suddenly become devoid of all emotion. Like, zilch. No feelings. None at all. Zip.
There was a point in my life when I was grateful for that... but I'm not so sure now.
Like, how would you react if you're just sitting there... and suddenly, you realize that you have lost all traces of feelings for your beloved. It's weird; scary; insane. You feel like it was just a dream, and waking hour suddenly arrived.
*le sigh*
Breaking away for a moment...
why is it that we often do stupid things in front of people we don't want to do stupid things in front of?
Er, perhaps I should rephrase that.
It's just insane, that when we desperately do not want to screw up in front of someone we like... well, we do screw up.
Law of attraction. Right. I get it.
But still... it's weird. And extremely unfair. And uncomfortable. And awkward.
Sometimes even when you try to reassure yourself over and over again that it's fine... well, it's not.
Sometimes it just makes you want to hide yourself for ten years...
Screw this. It'll be alright... right?
My emotions are back now. And I'm not really sure if I want them back.
Oooohh... maybe I just go into some 'instant numb mode' when I do something stupid... or when I think I do something stupid. Like a self-preservation thing, ya know?
I kinda like this.
6 September 2007
First Random Rant... or is it?
September 6, 2007
Mood: *tired and sleepy*
I really should be doing my homework right now. But I don't want to.
I basically have to write a satire article on whether or not I believe in Angels or something like that. Well, if it was in English, I probably would've been done by now. But no. It's in Norwegian. Oh, curses.
But maybe the creative juices will start to flow once I'm done with this blog post.
---------------------------
We had a hiking trip the other day.
It was nice. The forest, as it turns out, was truly meant for class trips and stuff. The boy scouts use it for their training too.
The tour went well... until the last few moments.
Wasn't that bad. It was just the simple fact that our teacher had no idea where we were.
Seriously, he had to call on the boy scouts to help him read the map. We walked for over an hour before we found our way out of the bloody woods.
My shoes hate me now.
----------------------------
I hate fighting with people over the internet.
I just hate it. Cause no matter how intelligent your responses are, it never gets through to them.
I especially hate it cause I can't resort to slapping, no matter how bad the argument gets.
Ah well...
--------------------------
Still not working. I think I need coffee. I can't even think right now. How am I supposed to do my assignment?!
Mood: *tired and sleepy*
I really should be doing my homework right now. But I don't want to.
I basically have to write a satire article on whether or not I believe in Angels or something like that. Well, if it was in English, I probably would've been done by now. But no. It's in Norwegian. Oh, curses.
But maybe the creative juices will start to flow once I'm done with this blog post.
---------------------------
We had a hiking trip the other day.
It was nice. The forest, as it turns out, was truly meant for class trips and stuff. The boy scouts use it for their training too.
The tour went well... until the last few moments.
Wasn't that bad. It was just the simple fact that our teacher had no idea where we were.
Seriously, he had to call on the boy scouts to help him read the map. We walked for over an hour before we found our way out of the bloody woods.
My shoes hate me now.
----------------------------
I hate fighting with people over the internet.
I just hate it. Cause no matter how intelligent your responses are, it never gets through to them.
I especially hate it cause I can't resort to slapping, no matter how bad the argument gets.
Ah well...
--------------------------
Still not working. I think I need coffee. I can't even think right now. How am I supposed to do my assignment?!
5 September 2007
Are You Sure?
September 5, 2007
Mood: *all smiles*
Before you proceed, I ask again.
Are you sure?
The story is disgusting, stomach-churning, nausea-inducing... And above all, it sucks like hell.
Still wanna read it?
Whatever. Your call.
Sounds of Madness
By the time you're done reading, the men in white coats would have already picked me up.
Cheerio!!
Mood: *all smiles*
Before you proceed, I ask again.
Are you sure?
The story is disgusting, stomach-churning, nausea-inducing... And above all, it sucks like hell.
Still wanna read it?
Whatever. Your call.
Sounds of Madness
By the time you're done reading, the men in white coats would have already picked me up.
Cheerio!!
When Stephen King and Thomas Harris Did A Cocktail On My Brain
September 5, 2007
Mood: *all smiles*
You clicked the button. Live with it.
But before you read, have you eaten yet? If no, then go ahead and read. If you have, then get something to puke on. Cause this story is gonna make you nauseous; either because of the nastiness or simply because of the sheer suckiness of it all.
Whatever.
-----
Sounds of Madness
”... finds the defendant guilty on all counts…”
Silence. Baited breath.
“… and hereby sentenced to death by lethal injection.”
The silence was broken by several abrupt sounds; cheers, sobs, applause, murmurs… but there was one noise that stood out. A man was screaming.
It was the defendant.
“I didn’t do it! I swear to God I didn’t do it!! I’m innocent!!”
The afternoon sun filtered through the court window. Its orange tinge played with the faces of the jury; made them look harsh…cruel…
But no more inhumane than the accused.
He was still trashing around, flailing his limbs and screaming at the top of his lungs, spit flying everywhere. The coloured light only served to illuminate the madness in his eyes. Two middle-aged policemen were working to restrain him.
Something caught the man’s eye. He suddenly whipped his head around so fast, he might have injured his neck.
“You goddamned bitch!! It wasn’t me!! You planted the evidence! You did it! You killed Rachel!!”
The woman he was screaming at stood up and cast the wild man a sparing look, then turned her back to him. She headed for the door as the man continued to hurl obscenities at her; she had better things to do than listen to his ravings.
She had just stepped out of the door when she felt a hand on her shoulder. It belonged to a man in a suit. He looked young, but had an air of professionalism about him.
“Good afternoon, Agent Greenwood. I’m Bart Rutherford, forensic psychiatrist.” He held up an ID.
“You look far too young to be one.”
“Good observation. I’m actually still in University studying for my major. My professor sent me here to observe the hearing.”
“What did you think?”
“Based on what the witnesses’ testimony and the evidence presented, I’d say the jury and the judge ruled right. However, I need to know more, and I was wondering if you could tell me more about the case, given that you were the one who apprehended him.”
“Sure. But would you mind if I go make coffee first? There’s a coffeemaker upstairs, and I could tell you about the case while it’s brewing.”
“Sounds good to me.”
-----
The responding police officers knocked down the door. What greeted them was a hellish scene taken from a nightmare.
Blood was splattered everywhere, and the furniture was strewn about, indicating a struggle. They walked to the dining area, and one of the policemen immediately ran outside, where he purged himself of his lunch.
On a plate in the table was the severed head of a woman. On another plate was a salad mixed with bits and pieces of what looked like human skin. There was a single eyeball on top, presumably serving as garnish.
But what made the officer lose it was the fact that someone had already eaten through half of the meal.
Suddenly, a shot was fired from upstairs. The remaining officers ran towards the sound. They forced open the door, and found Agent Greenwood wounded on the floor, with her gun pointed at a man. The man was brandishing a knife, and etched on his face was a look of utmost hate and revulsion.
At the sound of the door being forced open, the man turned to the police officers and swung the knife in their direction.
Two loud gunshots; and the man slowly sank down. Agent Greenwood had shot him on the wrist and on the kneecap.
-----
Silence, and the smell of coffee.
Bart Rutherford was quiet, holding his cup with two hands, staring at Agent Greenwood. She was staring at her own cup, seemingly mesmerized by the tendrils of smoke swirling up.
It took several attempts before Agent Greenwood was ready to tell the rest of the story.
-----
“Now open wide… look, airplane!!” A twisted parody of how one would feed an infant.
The other person was bound to the chair, squirming, trying to escape. The person trashed their head around feebly; avoiding the spoon directed at their mouth.
A spoon filled with meat from that gruesome feast.
But the person’s resistance was futile. Soon that accursed utensil was inside their mouth, and the contents were slowly sliding down their throat.
The person wanted to vomit… was feeling increasingly nauseous as the minutes ticked by. Why was this happening?
As if reading the captive’s mind, the monster with the spoon bent down and whispered.
“You see what happens when people lie? You should never have left me…”
-----
“He made you eat…”
“Rachel. My best friend.”
“I’m so sorry…”
“It was a year ago. I’ve undergone therapy and am feeling better now.”
Somehow, time passed without Agent Greenwood being aware of it. Next thing she knew, Mr Rutherford was thanking her, and she was shaking his hand… bidding him goodbye.
-----
The sound of running water.
Special Agent Hazel Greenwood stood bent over the sink. She gathered up water in her hands and splashed it on her face. She remained still for a few moments, then drew in a shuddering breath and straightened up.
She just stood there for the longest time, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Her face had taken on a weird expression… as if she didn’t quite know who or what she was staring at.
She was still, yet her eyes were moving; scanning the image before her. Moving… moving… then they stopped, drawn to something on her neck.
A necklace. With a tooth for a pendant. A human tooth.
Rachel’s tooth.
Hazel tore her gaze from the relic and looked at the mirror again. There was some kind of wild happiness etched on her face; a madness that somehow made her look like something less human.
And was that a grin on her face?
Again, the sound of running water. Now joined by another sound – laughter.
-----
“Fuck you Hazel!!”
“Oh no, Mark. Fuck you. You said you loved me. You lied.” She scooped another spoonful of that horrible salad, and forced fed it to him.
He tried to keep his mouth closed… but failed as nausea gripped him. He vomited, and she used the opportunity to insert the spoon in his mouth.
Her face was blank and her voice sweet as she did all this.
She bent over until she was at face level with him.
“You should have known better than to mess around with me, Mark. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned…” She straightened up and patted his head.
“Well, that’s part one done. Excuse me while I make a very important call.” With that, she clamped his mouth shut with one hand and dialled with the other.
‘911 emergency?’
Her voice suddenly switched from being abnormally cold to being frightened. “Hello… I… this is… oh my god. He made me… I need back-up now!! Agent Greenwood. Oh dear god… hurry!”
The call was done.
Hazel then went to the kitchen and retrieved a knife. Mark stared warily at her, unsure and afraid of what she would do next.
“See you in hell Mark.”
All of a sudden, she plunged the knife straight to her stomach. She was bleeding all over the place now. Then she cut Mark loose and scampered up the stairs.
Mark felt like he was possessed. He grabbed the knife and hurried after her. She would pay for this…
His lust for revenge blocked all sense of rationality. He didn’t think. Therefore, he couldn’t see the huge trap laid out in front of him. Didn’t see that he was heading straight for it.
The door was locked. He started banging on the door… it opened.
He rushed inside, and it closed once again.
“I’LL KILL YOU!!”
“Not if I get there first.”
A few whispered words. Mumbles too incoherent to hear through the door.
Then a gunshot.
The door was suddenly forced open. Several people in uniform burst in and pointed their guns at Mark. He spun around, and the last thing he was aware of was a searing pain in his wrist and his knee.
As he fell upon the swirling darkness, the last thing he saw was Hazel looking at him with an expression of wild satisfaction.
-----
*sounds of toilet flushing*
Yeah I know, it sucked.
I'm a failure... *hangs head in shame*
Mood: *all smiles*
You clicked the button. Live with it.
But before you read, have you eaten yet? If no, then go ahead and read. If you have, then get something to puke on. Cause this story is gonna make you nauseous; either because of the nastiness or simply because of the sheer suckiness of it all.
Whatever.
-----
Sounds of Madness
”... finds the defendant guilty on all counts…”
Silence. Baited breath.
“… and hereby sentenced to death by lethal injection.”
The silence was broken by several abrupt sounds; cheers, sobs, applause, murmurs… but there was one noise that stood out. A man was screaming.
It was the defendant.
“I didn’t do it! I swear to God I didn’t do it!! I’m innocent!!”
The afternoon sun filtered through the court window. Its orange tinge played with the faces of the jury; made them look harsh…cruel…
But no more inhumane than the accused.
He was still trashing around, flailing his limbs and screaming at the top of his lungs, spit flying everywhere. The coloured light only served to illuminate the madness in his eyes. Two middle-aged policemen were working to restrain him.
Something caught the man’s eye. He suddenly whipped his head around so fast, he might have injured his neck.
“You goddamned bitch!! It wasn’t me!! You planted the evidence! You did it! You killed Rachel!!”
The woman he was screaming at stood up and cast the wild man a sparing look, then turned her back to him. She headed for the door as the man continued to hurl obscenities at her; she had better things to do than listen to his ravings.
She had just stepped out of the door when she felt a hand on her shoulder. It belonged to a man in a suit. He looked young, but had an air of professionalism about him.
“Good afternoon, Agent Greenwood. I’m Bart Rutherford, forensic psychiatrist.” He held up an ID.
“You look far too young to be one.”
“Good observation. I’m actually still in University studying for my major. My professor sent me here to observe the hearing.”
“What did you think?”
“Based on what the witnesses’ testimony and the evidence presented, I’d say the jury and the judge ruled right. However, I need to know more, and I was wondering if you could tell me more about the case, given that you were the one who apprehended him.”
“Sure. But would you mind if I go make coffee first? There’s a coffeemaker upstairs, and I could tell you about the case while it’s brewing.”
“Sounds good to me.”
-----
The responding police officers knocked down the door. What greeted them was a hellish scene taken from a nightmare.
Blood was splattered everywhere, and the furniture was strewn about, indicating a struggle. They walked to the dining area, and one of the policemen immediately ran outside, where he purged himself of his lunch.
On a plate in the table was the severed head of a woman. On another plate was a salad mixed with bits and pieces of what looked like human skin. There was a single eyeball on top, presumably serving as garnish.
But what made the officer lose it was the fact that someone had already eaten through half of the meal.
Suddenly, a shot was fired from upstairs. The remaining officers ran towards the sound. They forced open the door, and found Agent Greenwood wounded on the floor, with her gun pointed at a man. The man was brandishing a knife, and etched on his face was a look of utmost hate and revulsion.
At the sound of the door being forced open, the man turned to the police officers and swung the knife in their direction.
Two loud gunshots; and the man slowly sank down. Agent Greenwood had shot him on the wrist and on the kneecap.
-----
Silence, and the smell of coffee.
Bart Rutherford was quiet, holding his cup with two hands, staring at Agent Greenwood. She was staring at her own cup, seemingly mesmerized by the tendrils of smoke swirling up.
It took several attempts before Agent Greenwood was ready to tell the rest of the story.
-----
“Now open wide… look, airplane!!” A twisted parody of how one would feed an infant.
The other person was bound to the chair, squirming, trying to escape. The person trashed their head around feebly; avoiding the spoon directed at their mouth.
A spoon filled with meat from that gruesome feast.
But the person’s resistance was futile. Soon that accursed utensil was inside their mouth, and the contents were slowly sliding down their throat.
The person wanted to vomit… was feeling increasingly nauseous as the minutes ticked by. Why was this happening?
As if reading the captive’s mind, the monster with the spoon bent down and whispered.
“You see what happens when people lie? You should never have left me…”
-----
“He made you eat…”
“Rachel. My best friend.”
“I’m so sorry…”
“It was a year ago. I’ve undergone therapy and am feeling better now.”
Somehow, time passed without Agent Greenwood being aware of it. Next thing she knew, Mr Rutherford was thanking her, and she was shaking his hand… bidding him goodbye.
-----
The sound of running water.
Special Agent Hazel Greenwood stood bent over the sink. She gathered up water in her hands and splashed it on her face. She remained still for a few moments, then drew in a shuddering breath and straightened up.
She just stood there for the longest time, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Her face had taken on a weird expression… as if she didn’t quite know who or what she was staring at.
She was still, yet her eyes were moving; scanning the image before her. Moving… moving… then they stopped, drawn to something on her neck.
A necklace. With a tooth for a pendant. A human tooth.
Rachel’s tooth.
Hazel tore her gaze from the relic and looked at the mirror again. There was some kind of wild happiness etched on her face; a madness that somehow made her look like something less human.
And was that a grin on her face?
Again, the sound of running water. Now joined by another sound – laughter.
-----
“Fuck you Hazel!!”
“Oh no, Mark. Fuck you. You said you loved me. You lied.” She scooped another spoonful of that horrible salad, and forced fed it to him.
He tried to keep his mouth closed… but failed as nausea gripped him. He vomited, and she used the opportunity to insert the spoon in his mouth.
Her face was blank and her voice sweet as she did all this.
She bent over until she was at face level with him.
“You should have known better than to mess around with me, Mark. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned…” She straightened up and patted his head.
“Well, that’s part one done. Excuse me while I make a very important call.” With that, she clamped his mouth shut with one hand and dialled with the other.
‘911 emergency?’
Her voice suddenly switched from being abnormally cold to being frightened. “Hello… I… this is… oh my god. He made me… I need back-up now!! Agent Greenwood. Oh dear god… hurry!”
The call was done.
Hazel then went to the kitchen and retrieved a knife. Mark stared warily at her, unsure and afraid of what she would do next.
“See you in hell Mark.”
All of a sudden, she plunged the knife straight to her stomach. She was bleeding all over the place now. Then she cut Mark loose and scampered up the stairs.
Mark felt like he was possessed. He grabbed the knife and hurried after her. She would pay for this…
His lust for revenge blocked all sense of rationality. He didn’t think. Therefore, he couldn’t see the huge trap laid out in front of him. Didn’t see that he was heading straight for it.
The door was locked. He started banging on the door… it opened.
He rushed inside, and it closed once again.
“I’LL KILL YOU!!”
“Not if I get there first.”
A few whispered words. Mumbles too incoherent to hear through the door.
Then a gunshot.
The door was suddenly forced open. Several people in uniform burst in and pointed their guns at Mark. He spun around, and the last thing he was aware of was a searing pain in his wrist and his knee.
As he fell upon the swirling darkness, the last thing he saw was Hazel looking at him with an expression of wild satisfaction.
-----
*sounds of toilet flushing*
Yeah I know, it sucked.
I'm a failure... *hangs head in shame*
17 August 2007
The Time I Was In A Car Accident
August 17, 2007
Mood: contemplative
Yeah, I was in a car accident.
I was gonna say car crash, but it wasn't that serious. Some truck driver just plowed into the vehicle we were in, resulting in one of the most unforgettable moments in my life.
Well, granted, that memory did join the other memories that I chucked into my own well of oblivion... memories of a past flame that I worked so hard to bury, only to retrieve again for all is well now.
Did that make sense? Of course it didn't.
Anyway... so I remembered that accident. In every detail.
BTW, this happened at around 2004... back when I was in my 2nd year of High School (8th grade).
What happened was that, a friend and I were going home from school. So, we took the usual route and took the usual ride (a jeepney. Search for it; one of the icons of the Philippines.) We were, however, robbed of our usual spot; the seat by the entrance. Some random lady was sitting there. So we had to sit contented... erm... how do I explain it... ah, screw that. Here's a drawing I made with my mad paint skillz...
There. Everything's clearer now eh?
We had no idea how crucial that seating arrangement would be.
A few minutes into the journey, everything was going well... until...
Here's what I remember;
The sound of tires screeching.
A bang; metal against metal.
Glass breaking.
Eerie silence.
By that time, my mind was reeling. Jumbled thoughts, visions, premonitions, whatever you call it.
I remember feeling like everything was in slow motion, and then looking out the window while the jeepney spun around from the force of the crash... the light outside was bright... too bright. Then, I heard Piper from Charmed's voice -- "You know as well as I do that you can't stop death from coming."
Surprisingly enough, and I never would have thought I would've done so... but the first words I uttered then were, "Dianne, are you alright? Are you sure you're alright?!" (Dianne's the name of my friend). I'm pretty sure that my eyes were a bit glassed over by that time, still caught up in that weird vision and all. Plus, the back of my head hit the metal frame of the window. Thankfully though, I was still in shock so the throbbing pain I was supposed to be feeling hadn't manifested yet.
I don't exactly recall what happened next... but I do remember zoning out. Then I was snapped out of that little reverie by my friend calling me, "Hey! Hey! Bea! Get out of there!!". As I scrambled out of the jeepney, I saw that the lady sitting next to me was injured and bloody, and so was the lady sitting by the entrance.
Here's another pic to explain the situation.
Pretty weird eh?
Weird and a bit... I don't really have a word for it, but all I know is that I get goosebumps every time I think of it.
Someone was definitely looking out for us that day.
So me and my friend just kinda stood there, shaken but otherwise okay. The scene was terrible. It wasn't that bad but it was terrible to look at. The back of the jeepney was wrecked, and the lights were shattered... I remember seeing broken pieces of glass scattered everywhere. One piece was coated with blood.
The adrenaline rush I got was fading away, and I could then feel a terrible throbbing pain where my head hit the window. So my friend took me to her house, which thankfully wasn't that far away, and we kinda sat there in silence while her housemate tended to the bump on my head.
What happened afterwards isn't that relevant... just something about my grandma getting pissed off and me getting pissed off AND hurt. Meh... doesn't matter.
At school, the next day, we made sure to hug every single person we knew... knowing full well what could've happened to the two of us.
I'm pretty sure my then-boyfriend said something nice to me... I just can't remember what it is. Ah well... maybe if I dig around some more...
Mood: contemplative
Yeah, I was in a car accident.
I was gonna say car crash, but it wasn't that serious. Some truck driver just plowed into the vehicle we were in, resulting in one of the most unforgettable moments in my life.
Well, granted, that memory did join the other memories that I chucked into my own well of oblivion... memories of a past flame that I worked so hard to bury, only to retrieve again for all is well now.
Did that make sense? Of course it didn't.
Anyway... so I remembered that accident. In every detail.
BTW, this happened at around 2004... back when I was in my 2nd year of High School (8th grade).
What happened was that, a friend and I were going home from school. So, we took the usual route and took the usual ride (a jeepney. Search for it; one of the icons of the Philippines.) We were, however, robbed of our usual spot; the seat by the entrance. Some random lady was sitting there. So we had to sit contented... erm... how do I explain it... ah, screw that. Here's a drawing I made with my mad paint skillz...
There. Everything's clearer now eh?
We had no idea how crucial that seating arrangement would be.
A few minutes into the journey, everything was going well... until...
Here's what I remember;
The sound of tires screeching.
A bang; metal against metal.
Glass breaking.
Eerie silence.
By that time, my mind was reeling. Jumbled thoughts, visions, premonitions, whatever you call it.
I remember feeling like everything was in slow motion, and then looking out the window while the jeepney spun around from the force of the crash... the light outside was bright... too bright. Then, I heard Piper from Charmed's voice -- "You know as well as I do that you can't stop death from coming."
Surprisingly enough, and I never would have thought I would've done so... but the first words I uttered then were, "Dianne, are you alright? Are you sure you're alright?!" (Dianne's the name of my friend). I'm pretty sure that my eyes were a bit glassed over by that time, still caught up in that weird vision and all. Plus, the back of my head hit the metal frame of the window. Thankfully though, I was still in shock so the throbbing pain I was supposed to be feeling hadn't manifested yet.
I don't exactly recall what happened next... but I do remember zoning out. Then I was snapped out of that little reverie by my friend calling me, "Hey! Hey! Bea! Get out of there!!". As I scrambled out of the jeepney, I saw that the lady sitting next to me was injured and bloody, and so was the lady sitting by the entrance.
Here's another pic to explain the situation.
Pretty weird eh?
Weird and a bit... I don't really have a word for it, but all I know is that I get goosebumps every time I think of it.
Someone was definitely looking out for us that day.
So me and my friend just kinda stood there, shaken but otherwise okay. The scene was terrible. It wasn't that bad but it was terrible to look at. The back of the jeepney was wrecked, and the lights were shattered... I remember seeing broken pieces of glass scattered everywhere. One piece was coated with blood.
The adrenaline rush I got was fading away, and I could then feel a terrible throbbing pain where my head hit the window. So my friend took me to her house, which thankfully wasn't that far away, and we kinda sat there in silence while her housemate tended to the bump on my head.
What happened afterwards isn't that relevant... just something about my grandma getting pissed off and me getting pissed off AND hurt. Meh... doesn't matter.
At school, the next day, we made sure to hug every single person we knew... knowing full well what could've happened to the two of us.
I'm pretty sure my then-boyfriend said something nice to me... I just can't remember what it is. Ah well... maybe if I dig around some more...
14 August 2007
Post-Potter Depression
August 14, 2007
Mood: *so sad. :'(*
First off...
I haven't really written anything substantial in this blog. I usually do. But it seems that my muse has gone away for a vacation, and that I have run out of creative juice. So, that's that. I can't even complain creatively about something...
And now, I'm suffering from PPD.
PPD, for the uninitiated, means Post-Potter Depression.
If you still don't know what that means, then you probably a) are clueless, b) don't live on planet Earth, c) only come out of the house once every 50 years, d) are Laura Mallory, or e) all of the above.
PPD, basically, is a newly discovered disease affecting millions of people worldwide. It began spreading like wildfire as early as July 22, 2007, when the fast-readers of the Harry Potter fanbase plowed through their Deathly Hallows book, finished early, and realized that there was nothing left to live for. No more midnight releases, no more theorizing, no more anticipation.
The world officially ended last July 21.
Some people were fortunate enough to have a strong immune system. Said people had an antibody called De Nial. Unfortunately, this antibody is only strong enough to withstand PPD for a limited period of time. The amount of time is also dependent on certain psychological factors, i.e., if the patient refuses to look at anything related to Harry Potter, does not visit HP related sites, or basically tries to forget that such a thing like HP existed, then he/she might be able to hold off PPD for a longer period of time. Such action strengthens the immune system, and brings about a newer and stronger strain of the antibody De Nial.
Unfortunately, De Nial is a double-edged sword. While it helps fight PPD, it also has a so-called 'Rebound Effect'. That is to say, if the patient suddenly touches something, even the smallest of things that is HP related, he/she will have a complete mental breakdown. While people with weaker immune system (those without De Nial) will also suffer from this, they will do so gradually. People with De Nial, on the other hand, will suffer instantaneously. These people are in more danger because PPD will attack so rapidly that they might go into shock.
Symptoms of the mental breakdown;
Symptoms for PPD;
*cries*
Why did Remus have to die?!
Mood: *so sad. :'(*
First off...
I haven't really written anything substantial in this blog. I usually do. But it seems that my muse has gone away for a vacation, and that I have run out of creative juice. So, that's that. I can't even complain creatively about something...
And now, I'm suffering from PPD.
PPD, for the uninitiated, means Post-Potter Depression.
If you still don't know what that means, then you probably a) are clueless, b) don't live on planet Earth, c) only come out of the house once every 50 years, d) are Laura Mallory, or e) all of the above.
PPD, basically, is a newly discovered disease affecting millions of people worldwide. It began spreading like wildfire as early as July 22, 2007, when the fast-readers of the Harry Potter fanbase plowed through their Deathly Hallows book, finished early, and realized that there was nothing left to live for. No more midnight releases, no more theorizing, no more anticipation.
The world officially ended last July 21.
Some people were fortunate enough to have a strong immune system. Said people had an antibody called De Nial. Unfortunately, this antibody is only strong enough to withstand PPD for a limited period of time. The amount of time is also dependent on certain psychological factors, i.e., if the patient refuses to look at anything related to Harry Potter, does not visit HP related sites, or basically tries to forget that such a thing like HP existed, then he/she might be able to hold off PPD for a longer period of time. Such action strengthens the immune system, and brings about a newer and stronger strain of the antibody De Nial.
Unfortunately, De Nial is a double-edged sword. While it helps fight PPD, it also has a so-called 'Rebound Effect'. That is to say, if the patient suddenly touches something, even the smallest of things that is HP related, he/she will have a complete mental breakdown. While people with weaker immune system (those without De Nial) will also suffer from this, they will do so gradually. People with De Nial, on the other hand, will suffer instantaneously. These people are in more danger because PPD will attack so rapidly that they might go into shock.
Symptoms of the mental breakdown;
- sudden withdrawal from society
- sudden urge for isolation (locking oneself in one's room)
- long periods of time spent staring off into space
Symptoms for PPD;
- Depression (duuhh...)
- Endless crying/sobbing/wailing/bawling; often accompanied with cries of "(insert HP character here)!! Why did you have to die?!"
- HP books being thrown all over the room, only to be carefully picked up again, hugged, then thrown again.
- Insomnia (HP dreams keep on cropping up; reminding patient of what has been)
- Sudden fits of crying when something HP related is seen
- Patient gets desperate desire to read other books to divert attention from Potter being over, only to give up, reread Deathly Hallows, and cry endlessly again
- Patient makes stupid and futile attempts to write blog posts poking fun at PDD to strengthen De Nial, only to fail miserably
*cries*
Why did Remus have to die?!
8 August 2007
The Big Wide World
August 8, 2007
Mood: extremely excited, nervous and scared
I'm scared.
Portus 2008 : July 10-13, 2008 , Dallas, Texas
Accio 2008 : July 25-27, 2008, Oxford, England
I finally got the go ahead signal from my mother to go alone unsupervised to these events.
And I am scared.
I am excited though, cause it's gonna be tons of fun, I'm gonna go meet a bunch of friends that I've never met before. It's a Harry Potter convention, and it's gonna be glorious!!
But I am a bit frightened at the prospect of traveling alone.
Heck, I'm scared out of my wits!!!
I have a lot of "what if's", "what now's", "how's", and stuff running around my mind. But ah, things will sort themselves out.
And as my mom said, "You can read English, you can speak English, I see no reason why you'd get lost." See my mom, the Sagittarius. :D
I'm soooo excited! Words cannot describe the excitement I'm feeling right now. If I could, I'd pack my suitcase right now and wander off... but I can't! I need more money, more time, more preparations, more everything!!
And I'll have to ask my mom's help about ticket reservations and stuff... I've no problem with Dallas, cause someone's gonna pick me up. But you know what scares me the most?
England's train stations.
They've got a whole web of trains!! Honestly! I don't understand a thing!! I'm scared!! Accio sounds like a formal but fun event, and it's in England! ENGLAND!! But it's gonna be my first time there and I'll be all alone!!
Well, granted, two people I know whom I've never met are gonna be there too but that's beyond the point.
I do know an Englishman, but I'm too shy to bug him for help. Honestly. Maybe as a last resort.
Jerry! You have to freakin' help me!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
I am at the verge of panicking; yet the event is a year away!! Holy crap!! >_<;; I guess I'll just have to reassure myself that it's all gonna be okay. That everything's gonna sort themselves out...
Mood: extremely excited, nervous and scared
I'm scared.
Portus 2008 : July 10-13, 2008 , Dallas, Texas
Accio 2008 : July 25-27, 2008, Oxford, England
I finally got the go ahead signal from my mother to go alone unsupervised to these events.
And I am scared.
I am excited though, cause it's gonna be tons of fun, I'm gonna go meet a bunch of friends that I've never met before. It's a Harry Potter convention, and it's gonna be glorious!!
But I am a bit frightened at the prospect of traveling alone.
Heck, I'm scared out of my wits!!!
I have a lot of "what if's", "what now's", "how's", and stuff running around my mind. But ah, things will sort themselves out.
And as my mom said, "You can read English, you can speak English, I see no reason why you'd get lost." See my mom, the Sagittarius. :D
I'm soooo excited! Words cannot describe the excitement I'm feeling right now. If I could, I'd pack my suitcase right now and wander off... but I can't! I need more money, more time, more preparations, more everything!!
And I'll have to ask my mom's help about ticket reservations and stuff... I've no problem with Dallas, cause someone's gonna pick me up. But you know what scares me the most?
England's train stations.
They've got a whole web of trains!! Honestly! I don't understand a thing!! I'm scared!! Accio sounds like a formal but fun event, and it's in England! ENGLAND!! But it's gonna be my first time there and I'll be all alone!!
Well, granted, two people I know whom I've never met are gonna be there too but that's beyond the point.
I do know an Englishman, but I'm too shy to bug him for help. Honestly. Maybe as a last resort.
Jerry! You have to freakin' help me!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
I am at the verge of panicking; yet the event is a year away!! Holy crap!! >_<;; I guess I'll just have to reassure myself that it's all gonna be okay. That everything's gonna sort themselves out...
22 June 2007
My Graduation Was Sucky, I Vultured Last Night, and Hannibal is Rising
June 22, 2007
Mood: *content*
Alright... so a lot of stuff has happened...
I've graduated. In what could possibly be the suckiest graduation ceremony I've ever had the misfortune of experiencing. [Sorry, this is my blog. I'll write what I want.] I mean, yeah. I know the 'toga' thing is not as popular in European educational systems as in the American system... but really. The school authorities could've put a bit more effort or something into the program. Oh, the disorganization.
So yeah. I've graduated, officially out of high school. I'm just thankful that I didn't kill myself halfway through the school year [I wanted to. Many times. Depression is a bitch.]. I dunno. My high school years have gone by in a blur. I don't actually think I've learned anything worthwhile... and I've missed out on a shitload of experiences. I didn't get to go to a prom with my best mates, didn't get to finish school with my best mates, didn't get to cry and dream of the future while enjoying the last day of the school year with my best mates. Instead, I get stuck in a school where everyone is the very embodiment of everything I hate. Wonderful. Fantastic. But ah... screw em anyways. I did get to spend the first 3 years of HS with my best mates so... it's all good.
------------------------
I slept at 4:30 am CET.
But all is good. Cause I got to vulture Micah! Yay for me!!
What is vulturing? Well, to put it in a nutshell, it is basically annoying the snot out of an MCer until they finally update.
Don't know what I'm talking about? hmm... unfortunately, I am in no mood to explain right now, so... I'll save that for later.
But siriusly, last night was possibly the most fun I've ever had in ages!! The people in the chatroom were so nice. Finally felt a sense of belongingness... which is a breath of fresh air after this past year.
I love the PiPa chatroom.
And I am sooo going to ask Jamie for a birthday shout out. I dunno if I should try to chat with him in AIM or MSN or somewhere... I think I might die the moment I see his display name or something. But I really want to talk to him, so. Yeah.
Oh, and Eric Scull, you are one sweet, sweet man. Yay for you Spielerman!
------------------------------
The main cause of my happiness today? [Not counting the euphoria left from pulling an all-nighter just to vulture Micah...]
I finally found it! The book!
Hannibal Rising!!
Yay!!!
Yeah. It may mean nothing to you, cause your local bookstore might already be teeming with copies of this awesome, awesome masterpiece. But for me who lives in a place where the booksellers continue to commit sacrilege and translate these modern masterpieces until not a single drop of the writer's original intentions are left... this is a big thing!
So I'm off to read now.
Hannibal Lecter... I adore him so much. =P
-----------------------------
Okay. I would really love to post something more substantial than this... Something less random, perhaps. But I am going to travel halfway across the world in a few days, and I'm completely useless right now. I'll try to be funnier and more entertaining next time. I usually am, mind you. So yeah.
Mood: *content*
Alright... so a lot of stuff has happened...
I've graduated. In what could possibly be the suckiest graduation ceremony I've ever had the misfortune of experiencing. [Sorry, this is my blog. I'll write what I want.] I mean, yeah. I know the 'toga' thing is not as popular in European educational systems as in the American system... but really. The school authorities could've put a bit more effort or something into the program. Oh, the disorganization.
So yeah. I've graduated, officially out of high school. I'm just thankful that I didn't kill myself halfway through the school year [I wanted to. Many times. Depression is a bitch.]. I dunno. My high school years have gone by in a blur. I don't actually think I've learned anything worthwhile... and I've missed out on a shitload of experiences. I didn't get to go to a prom with my best mates, didn't get to finish school with my best mates, didn't get to cry and dream of the future while enjoying the last day of the school year with my best mates. Instead, I get stuck in a school where everyone is the very embodiment of everything I hate. Wonderful. Fantastic. But ah... screw em anyways. I did get to spend the first 3 years of HS with my best mates so... it's all good.
------------------------
I slept at 4:30 am CET.
But all is good. Cause I got to vulture Micah! Yay for me!!
What is vulturing? Well, to put it in a nutshell, it is basically annoying the snot out of an MCer until they finally update.
Don't know what I'm talking about? hmm... unfortunately, I am in no mood to explain right now, so... I'll save that for later.
But siriusly, last night was possibly the most fun I've ever had in ages!! The people in the chatroom were so nice. Finally felt a sense of belongingness... which is a breath of fresh air after this past year.
I love the PiPa chatroom.
And I am sooo going to ask Jamie for a birthday shout out. I dunno if I should try to chat with him in AIM or MSN or somewhere... I think I might die the moment I see his display name or something. But I really want to talk to him, so. Yeah.
Oh, and Eric Scull, you are one sweet, sweet man. Yay for you Spielerman!
------------------------------
The main cause of my happiness today? [Not counting the euphoria left from pulling an all-nighter just to vulture Micah...]
I finally found it! The book!
Hannibal Rising!!
Yay!!!
Yeah. It may mean nothing to you, cause your local bookstore might already be teeming with copies of this awesome, awesome masterpiece. But for me who lives in a place where the booksellers continue to commit sacrilege and translate these modern masterpieces until not a single drop of the writer's original intentions are left... this is a big thing!
So I'm off to read now.
Hannibal Lecter... I adore him so much. =P
-----------------------------
Okay. I would really love to post something more substantial than this... Something less random, perhaps. But I am going to travel halfway across the world in a few days, and I'm completely useless right now. I'll try to be funnier and more entertaining next time. I usually am, mind you. So yeah.
19 June 2007
Hilarious Video
June 19, 2007
Mood: *varying between extremes*
OMG... I was browsing i-am-bored once again, and found this gem. Now I can't stop laughing... oh, god, my sides are splitting!! >_<;; Watch it!! One little thing though, make sure you've paid your insurance or something like that... cause you're gonna die laughing, I swear to god!! Now move your pointer over this baby here and click away!!
Mood: *varying between extremes*
OMG... I was browsing i-am-bored once again, and found this gem. Now I can't stop laughing... oh, god, my sides are splitting!! >_<;; Watch it!! One little thing though, make sure you've paid your insurance or something like that... cause you're gonna die laughing, I swear to god!! Now move your pointer over this baby here and click away!!
16 June 2007
Brilliant Argument About Global Warming
June 16, 2007
Mood: tired and worried
Okay. So I visited i-am-bored.com today, excellent site, BTW. And then, I found this video.
To put it in a nutshell, there's this guy in the video who presents a very compelling argument about, well, global warming.
Watch it. A part of you will change afterwards, I assure you.
Mood: tired and worried
Okay. So I visited i-am-bored.com today, excellent site, BTW. And then, I found this video.
To put it in a nutshell, there's this guy in the video who presents a very compelling argument about, well, global warming.
Watch it. A part of you will change afterwards, I assure you.
14 June 2007
Exams, Filthy Rooms and Wisdom Teeth
June 14, 2007
Mood: bored
I just finished my exams. Yay for me!!
So now, my room looks like a disaster area. I think cleaning up will keep me busy for a couple of days. Right now, clothes, both clean and used, are strewn all over the room. Papers are scattered all around... my bookshelf is a mess... my bed hasn't been made for days... yeah.
I don't know. It's kind of a mystery. It's a propensity for all warm-blooded, normal, human students to have a filthy room during exam time. It's kind of an unwritten law, really. Maybe it's because the messier your room is, the more intelligent and hard-working you seem? Like, it shows that you have no time whatsoever to clean up because you are devoting each and every waking hour to studying for the exam...
And I so want to write a lot of stuff... but I'm feeling too lazy to do so. I'm drained, people. Besides, all four of my wisdom teeth are growing simultaneously right now, and it sucks. Especially the two on the left side. The one at the bottom keeps throbbing like hell... and the one at the top is causing a sore at the inside of my cheek. I hate it. I'm going to get them both extracted as soon as possible!
This is making no sense at all right now. Ah well...
See ya next time I update... whenever that might be.
Mood: bored
I just finished my exams. Yay for me!!
So now, my room looks like a disaster area. I think cleaning up will keep me busy for a couple of days. Right now, clothes, both clean and used, are strewn all over the room. Papers are scattered all around... my bookshelf is a mess... my bed hasn't been made for days... yeah.
I don't know. It's kind of a mystery. It's a propensity for all warm-blooded, normal, human students to have a filthy room during exam time. It's kind of an unwritten law, really. Maybe it's because the messier your room is, the more intelligent and hard-working you seem? Like, it shows that you have no time whatsoever to clean up because you are devoting each and every waking hour to studying for the exam...
And I so want to write a lot of stuff... but I'm feeling too lazy to do so. I'm drained, people. Besides, all four of my wisdom teeth are growing simultaneously right now, and it sucks. Especially the two on the left side. The one at the bottom keeps throbbing like hell... and the one at the top is causing a sore at the inside of my cheek. I hate it. I'm going to get them both extracted as soon as possible!
This is making no sense at all right now. Ah well...
See ya next time I update... whenever that might be.
"How do you clean a dirty soap?"
4 June 2007
More About Me
June 4, 2007
Mood: calm
Hello. Welcome to my blog. This is where I spout all the randomness that my little mind is capable of producing.
My name is Alyssa. I am Asian, and proud of it. But currently I live in Europe.
I am a geek. I love anime.
But then again, no label actually fits me. Sometimes I wake up a bit emo-ish. Sometimes a bit gothic. Sometimes a bit nerdy... so yeah.
I am a Cancer. That alone should give you an image of what my personality is like.
So yeah... you'll be hearing more from me soon.
And before you ask, yes, I do have an account on MySpace, I just don't use or update it. :)
Have a nice day.
Mood: calm
Hello. Welcome to my blog. This is where I spout all the randomness that my little mind is capable of producing.
My name is Alyssa. I am Asian, and proud of it. But currently I live in Europe.
I am a geek. I love anime.
But then again, no label actually fits me. Sometimes I wake up a bit emo-ish. Sometimes a bit gothic. Sometimes a bit nerdy... so yeah.
I am a Cancer. That alone should give you an image of what my personality is like.
So yeah... you'll be hearing more from me soon.
And before you ask, yes, I do have an account on MySpace, I just don't use or update it. :)
Have a nice day.
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