I want to donate blood.
“Of all that is written, I love only what a person has written with his own blood”
- Friedrich Nietzsche
31 January 2009
Life Force
Random thought:
I want to donate blood.
I want to donate blood.
29 January 2009
My Hand Met A Flying Ball
So I'm procrastinating again. But meh, who cares?
A story:
Once upon a time, in an old dungeon in an undisclosed location, there was a committee. This committee was comprised of several evil tyrants who had control over all the school systems in the world. These evil group of tyrants were the ones who decided what was to be taught in which school, which teachers were to be hired, and other shite like that.
After having just decreed that Mathematics was to be taught in the most boring way possible by the fiercest, foulest, evilest teachers ever, one of the evil tyrants brought up an issue. This particular evil tyrant was also a philosopher.
He said, "Gentlemen. There is one more thing we need to discuss. Indeed, we have already passed laws and regulations that will surely infuriate each and every student in existence. But it is not enough - we need to do more. All these restrictions that we have passed, they will forget in an instance when in the company of fellow students. No, we need something. Something that will remind them of just how cruel the universe is. We need something that will strip them of any ounce of self-confidence they might be able to gain from the other subjects.
Therefore, I propose the creation of another subject - Gym.
Yes, dear members of This League of Incredibly Fatheaded Tyrants. With this subject, we shall force the asthmatics to run, the short people to jump twice their own height, the skinny people to lift more than thrice their own body weight. With this subject, we shall injure them! With this subject, we shall remind them that no, life is not fair, there is no sense in even trying. With this subject - we shall finally crush their spirits once and for all!"
And the other tyrants jumped to their feet and applauded loudly. Yes, yes they'll create this subject, they cried. They shall make it obligatory, and they shall make it the one subject that students cannot drop.
At this, the meeting ended. The tyrants disbanded and returned to their respective lairs. There they all sat back in sadistic glee, grinning wistfully at the suffering they had unleashed upon the world.
The end.
-----
Yes, I was injured.
For the very first time in my life, I fractured a bone. True, it was nothing but a mere hairline fracture, but don't let facts diminish the drama.
My very first fracture ever. And I got it from playing handball. In gym. *makes a face*
To describe the event in detail: we were supposed to practice tossing the ball and catching it. My partner tossed it, and I was about to catch it. But gravity, the ball, circumstances, and Fate had different ideas. The ball met with my unfortunately outstretched finger and smashed it backwards.
I cried out in pain.
I wouldn't really mind... but it's my favorite finger! Tis the middle finger of my right hand. How am I supposed to surreptitiously flip off Kumajanai now??
This is what it looked like yesterday;
And this is how it looked like today:
Fun.
So today I went to the doctor. An awesome thing happened. The doctor called me in, and as I walked through the treshold, she held out her hand. I took the hand without thinking, letting social protocol control me. So yes, she squeezed my already injured hand. Fun!
Then she gave me a referral for an X-ray at our local hospital. I decided to go after school.
Around 3 pm, my mother and I meet in front of the hospital. We found the Radiology department, showed the referral to the nurse at the counter, she told us to wait. At this point, I was wondering if and when House would show up.
Finally, around half past 3, I got called in. They X-rayed me poor hand, and told me to wait again for the results. However, it being the middle of shift changes, it might take some time. Mother suggested we wait it out at the canteen.
Around 4 pm, I went back up to wait for the results. 15 minutes later, a nurse came out and handed me my results. She told me to "take the elevator down to the 2nd floor and follow the blue line." I thanked the pseudo-wizard of Oz and made my way to the indicated floor.
Well first I had to pick me mom up from the canteen. But whatever.
On my way down, I read my results. The word "fracture" stuck out like well, a sore thumb. I cringed.
So up to the 2nd floor we went. Turns out, it was the ER department. Great.
To spare you the long and tedious descriptions, I got called in to the Orthopedics section at around 5:30 pm. Nearly a whole fucking hour.
And what do they do there?
For fucks sake - I could've done this on me own!! I had to wait over an hour for this??
Didn't help that the nurse very nearly poked me in the face with a pair of scissors as she was trying to stuff the cotton back between my fingers.
Bahh.
I luff it though. xD
A story:
Once upon a time, in an old dungeon in an undisclosed location, there was a committee. This committee was comprised of several evil tyrants who had control over all the school systems in the world. These evil group of tyrants were the ones who decided what was to be taught in which school, which teachers were to be hired, and other shite like that.
After having just decreed that Mathematics was to be taught in the most boring way possible by the fiercest, foulest, evilest teachers ever, one of the evil tyrants brought up an issue. This particular evil tyrant was also a philosopher.
He said, "Gentlemen. There is one more thing we need to discuss. Indeed, we have already passed laws and regulations that will surely infuriate each and every student in existence. But it is not enough - we need to do more. All these restrictions that we have passed, they will forget in an instance when in the company of fellow students. No, we need something. Something that will remind them of just how cruel the universe is. We need something that will strip them of any ounce of self-confidence they might be able to gain from the other subjects.
Therefore, I propose the creation of another subject - Gym.
Yes, dear members of This League of Incredibly Fatheaded Tyrants. With this subject, we shall force the asthmatics to run, the short people to jump twice their own height, the skinny people to lift more than thrice their own body weight. With this subject, we shall injure them! With this subject, we shall remind them that no, life is not fair, there is no sense in even trying. With this subject - we shall finally crush their spirits once and for all!"
And the other tyrants jumped to their feet and applauded loudly. Yes, yes they'll create this subject, they cried. They shall make it obligatory, and they shall make it the one subject that students cannot drop.
At this, the meeting ended. The tyrants disbanded and returned to their respective lairs. There they all sat back in sadistic glee, grinning wistfully at the suffering they had unleashed upon the world.
The end.
-----
Yes, I was injured.
For the very first time in my life, I fractured a bone. True, it was nothing but a mere hairline fracture, but don't let facts diminish the drama.
My very first fracture ever. And I got it from playing handball. In gym. *makes a face*
To describe the event in detail: we were supposed to practice tossing the ball and catching it. My partner tossed it, and I was about to catch it. But gravity, the ball, circumstances, and Fate had different ideas. The ball met with my unfortunately outstretched finger and smashed it backwards.
I cried out in pain.
I wouldn't really mind... but it's my favorite finger! Tis the middle finger of my right hand. How am I supposed to surreptitiously flip off Kumajanai now??
This is what it looked like yesterday;
And this is how it looked like today:
Fun.
So today I went to the doctor. An awesome thing happened. The doctor called me in, and as I walked through the treshold, she held out her hand. I took the hand without thinking, letting social protocol control me. So yes, she squeezed my already injured hand. Fun!
Then she gave me a referral for an X-ray at our local hospital. I decided to go after school.
Around 3 pm, my mother and I meet in front of the hospital. We found the Radiology department, showed the referral to the nurse at the counter, she told us to wait. At this point, I was wondering if and when House would show up.
Finally, around half past 3, I got called in. They X-rayed me poor hand, and told me to wait again for the results. However, it being the middle of shift changes, it might take some time. Mother suggested we wait it out at the canteen.
Around 4 pm, I went back up to wait for the results. 15 minutes later, a nurse came out and handed me my results. She told me to "take the elevator down to the 2nd floor and follow the blue line." I thanked the pseudo-wizard of Oz and made my way to the indicated floor.
Well first I had to pick me mom up from the canteen. But whatever.
On my way down, I read my results. The word "fracture" stuck out like well, a sore thumb. I cringed.
So up to the 2nd floor we went. Turns out, it was the ER department. Great.
To spare you the long and tedious descriptions, I got called in to the Orthopedics section at around 5:30 pm. Nearly a whole fucking hour.
And what do they do there?
For fucks sake - I could've done this on me own!! I had to wait over an hour for this??
Didn't help that the nurse very nearly poked me in the face with a pair of scissors as she was trying to stuff the cotton back between my fingers.
Bahh.
I luff it though. xD
Life's journey is not to arrive safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "Holy shit... what a ride!"
27 January 2009
Anchors and Melancholy
I apologize for the shite poetry I posted last time :P
I was in class with Kumajanai, see, and just typed the first verses that came to mind.
But anyway, just dropping by to inform the world that I am tired. So incredibly tired. Tired... of things, is the best way I can put it.
"Have something to look forward to everyday," she said. "Something that makes you happy. A reward."
An anchor.
But you don't understand, I thought. I had an anchor... but now it's gone.
I was in class with Kumajanai, see, and just typed the first verses that came to mind.
But anyway, just dropping by to inform the world that I am tired. So incredibly tired. Tired... of things, is the best way I can put it.
"Have something to look forward to everyday," she said. "Something that makes you happy. A reward."
An anchor.
But you don't understand, I thought. I had an anchor... but now it's gone.
Melancholy sees the worst of things,—things as they may be, and not as they are. It looks upon a beautiful face, and sees but a grinning skull.
- Christian Nestell Bovee
I once gave a lady two-and-twenty receipts against melancholy: one was a bright fire; another, to remember all the pleasant things said to her; another, to keep a box of sugar-plums on the chimney-piece and a kettle simmering on the hob. I thought this mere trifling at the moment, but have in after life discovered how true it is that these little pleasures often banish melancholy better than higher and more exalted objects; and that no means ought to be thought too trifling which can oppose it either in ourselves or in others.
- Sydney Smith
26 January 2009
A Concert
Guitar riffs going off in my head
Angry flashes of blinding light
Somehow everything has become red
Nails dig in a fist clenched tight
Inanimate objects lose their life
They break in half, they wither, they die
Muscles clench, prepare for armed strife
Abundant rage expressed through a sigh
Inside my mind it's a concert all right
Fucking angry riffs, damn defeaning sounds
Drowning in the melody resonating through the night
Howl out your feelings, akin to the hounds
Vocal chords be scratched
In a long drawn scream
Emotions be unmatched
In this horrible waking dream
The guitars are still playing
Unheard by anyone but me
It is my angst they are relaying
No one else to drown but me
Angry flashes of blinding light
Somehow everything has become red
Nails dig in a fist clenched tight
Inanimate objects lose their life
They break in half, they wither, they die
Muscles clench, prepare for armed strife
Abundant rage expressed through a sigh
Inside my mind it's a concert all right
Fucking angry riffs, damn defeaning sounds
Drowning in the melody resonating through the night
Howl out your feelings, akin to the hounds
Vocal chords be scratched
In a long drawn scream
Emotions be unmatched
In this horrible waking dream
The guitars are still playing
Unheard by anyone but me
It is my angst they are relaying
No one else to drown but me
25 January 2009
Is There?
'Prophet!' said I, 'thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the raven, 'Nevermore.'
21 January 2009
He Got This
No matter how many times I look at this picture, it just never gets old...
He did get it. Oh yes he did.
He did get it. Oh yes he did.
This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed — why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent Mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.
- Barack Obama, Inaugural address 2009
I Smell Something Burning
Something epic happened today.
I am not exaggerating when I say that it brought overwhelming joy to my cold, black heart.
It seems that I am not the only one playing the game. Others have their own version as well. They employ completely different strategies from the ones I use, but hell - they play the game well.
I predict that this will most likely change the course of the future, but I should also add that right now --
I know where I stand, and that's all that matters.
To the people who know they're on the right side of the argument, who know their rights, who stick to their guns and do not back down:
I hate some of you, but know this - you all have my respect.
I am not exaggerating when I say that it brought overwhelming joy to my cold, black heart.
It seems that I am not the only one playing the game. Others have their own version as well. They employ completely different strategies from the ones I use, but hell - they play the game well.
I predict that this will most likely change the course of the future, but I should also add that right now --
I. do. not. give. a. fuck.
I know where I stand, and that's all that matters.
To the people who know they're on the right side of the argument, who know their rights, who stick to their guns and do not back down:
I hate some of you, but know this - you all have my respect.
“Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.”
- W. Clement Stone
20 January 2009
Inauguration 2009
Yeah, I just have to blog about this. It's kind of a requirement.
I'll spare your eyes though, don't worry.
Blahblah inauguration blahblah amazing moment blahblahblah history in the making blahblah Yes We Can! blahblah dreams came true blahblah scary anticipation blahblah blah so glad they used his middle name blahblah beacon of hope blahblah the eloquent one must be nervous, he messed up the oath, cute though blahblah amazing speech! blahblah burned Bush real bad blahblah Stars and Stripes Forever, nearly drove me mad blahblah the beginning of a new era.
And look; a guy playing Iron Maiden on a harp.
I'll spare your eyes though, don't worry.
Blahblah inauguration blahblah amazing moment blahblahblah history in the making blahblah Yes We Can! blahblah dreams came true blahblah scary anticipation blahblah blah so glad they used his middle name blahblah beacon of hope blahblah the eloquent one must be nervous, he messed up the oath, cute though blahblah amazing speech! blahblah burned Bush real bad blahblah Stars and Stripes Forever, nearly drove me mad blahblah the beginning of a new era.
And look; a guy playing Iron Maiden on a harp.
For the world has changed, and we must change with it.
- *PRESIDENT* Barack Obama, Inaugural speech 2009
17 January 2009
Widget
If you look to the right, you'll notice a new widget.
So glad those elementary school lessons in HTML have finally paid off. I'm not completely happy with the color scheme though... I'll figure that out soon...
I'm doing pretty well right now. I find that karate eases the heaviness that blankets my cold, cold soul.
I've scheduled a caffeine overdose on Tuesday the 20th. Looking forward to it.
[EDIT: Fixed it now. I am pleased.]
So glad those elementary school lessons in HTML have finally paid off. I'm not completely happy with the color scheme though... I'll figure that out soon...
I'm doing pretty well right now. I find that karate eases the heaviness that blankets my cold, cold soul.
I've scheduled a caffeine overdose on Tuesday the 20th. Looking forward to it.
Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions.
- Cullen Hightower
[EDIT: Fixed it now. I am pleased.]
14 January 2009
So I Scream And Shout
I woke up today feeling angry.
Well, not really. I woke up feeling rather aggravated, and it rapidly snowballed from there.
Thought process included such lovely bits as "skip class", "overdose on caffeine", and even "kill the cat".
I might kill people today just for breathing too loudly.
Oh yes, the rage is back.
So this makes the official thing even more official.
I never knew that I would ever think myself comparable to Jenga blocks. The all-important support block has been pulled, and now the tower has collapsed.
It might take some time to build it back up again.
Hurray.
Well, not really. I woke up feeling rather aggravated, and it rapidly snowballed from there.
Thought process included such lovely bits as "skip class", "overdose on caffeine", and even "kill the cat".
I might kill people today just for breathing too loudly.
Oh yes, the rage is back.
So this makes the official thing even more official.
I never knew that I would ever think myself comparable to Jenga blocks. The all-important support block has been pulled, and now the tower has collapsed.
It might take some time to build it back up again.
Hurray.
Now I scream and shout
Don't know what I'm so pissed off about
- Linkin Park parody
13 January 2009
I'm Looking For A Distraction
My favorite fanfic is Island, by BlueUtopiah. It's a YYH fanfic.
I strongly recommend that you go read it, even if you're not familiar with the series. Rarely have I ever come across a story so exceptional, so exquisite, so soaked in angst. Everytime I read it, I cry.
Here's a tidbit. Might give some insight as to why I love it so much.
-----
The rest of their meal passed in mildly comfortable silence and when it became obvious that neither of them could stomach any more food, Kurama rose and began to clear the table. Hiei remained in his seat and after a moment, his eyes widened and he placed a hand on his chest.
The heaviness…it’s gone.
Funny, he hadn’t felt that crushing intensity for hours; in fact, for a little while he’d actually forgotten about it.
He glanced up at Kurama, who was busy rinsing dishes in the sink, and his eyes glazed over in wonder. Sure, he could attribute his lightness to his lovely stay with Karasu, or the ass-beating he took from Kirin and Shigure, but once again his money was on the redhead. Pain and pleasure chased his depression away, but never this well; even within his reprieves despair always hung over him, imminent, like a storm at the edge of his consciousness, and no matter how much he tried he could never free himself enough to actually forget.
This…this was new.
Hiei took a deep breath, putting his hand back on the table, and stared at the redhead’s back in confusion and amazement.
Kurama, what have you done to me?
-----
And yes, I read yaoi. What of it?
Quote today is also taken from this fic. One of my favorite quotes of all time.
I strongly recommend that you go read it, even if you're not familiar with the series. Rarely have I ever come across a story so exceptional, so exquisite, so soaked in angst. Everytime I read it, I cry.
Here's a tidbit. Might give some insight as to why I love it so much.
-----
The rest of their meal passed in mildly comfortable silence and when it became obvious that neither of them could stomach any more food, Kurama rose and began to clear the table. Hiei remained in his seat and after a moment, his eyes widened and he placed a hand on his chest.
The heaviness…it’s gone.
Funny, he hadn’t felt that crushing intensity for hours; in fact, for a little while he’d actually forgotten about it.
He glanced up at Kurama, who was busy rinsing dishes in the sink, and his eyes glazed over in wonder. Sure, he could attribute his lightness to his lovely stay with Karasu, or the ass-beating he took from Kirin and Shigure, but once again his money was on the redhead. Pain and pleasure chased his depression away, but never this well; even within his reprieves despair always hung over him, imminent, like a storm at the edge of his consciousness, and no matter how much he tried he could never free himself enough to actually forget.
This…this was new.
Hiei took a deep breath, putting his hand back on the table, and stared at the redhead’s back in confusion and amazement.
Kurama, what have you done to me?
-----
And yes, I read yaoi. What of it?
Quote today is also taken from this fic. One of my favorite quotes of all time.
...and if one looked it was easy to death's shadow lying coldly across the boy's thin shoulders, whispering promises of peace and salvation.
- 'Island', BlueUtopiah
11 January 2009
Climbing and Falling
It's amazing how you can spend months, even years, trying to climb out of a deep, dark well.
You bruise your fingertips, you break your nails, you grunt and sweat and heave with all your might...
And you get close. You can almost see the light. You can almost smell the fresh air. You can almost feel the refreshing wind against your sweat-soaked face.
It's amazing how after all the years of effort, it only takes one single second to send you plummeting back down.
It's amazing. It's so amazing it breaks my heart.
Yes, relapse. I've officially plummeted.
You bruise your fingertips, you break your nails, you grunt and sweat and heave with all your might...
And you get close. You can almost see the light. You can almost smell the fresh air. You can almost feel the refreshing wind against your sweat-soaked face.
It's amazing how after all the years of effort, it only takes one single second to send you plummeting back down.
It's amazing. It's so amazing it breaks my heart.
Yes, relapse. I've officially plummeted.
We all have our sorrows, and although the exact delineaments, weight and dimensions of grief are different for everyone, the color of grief is common to us all.
- The Thirteenth Tale
10 January 2009
The Only True Joy
Schadenfreude is my new favorite word.
Let the games begin, Kumajanai-san...
Let the games begin, Kumajanai-san...
Schadenfreude ist die beste Freude.
7 January 2009
The End Of The World
Why does the sun go on shining?
Why does the sea rush to shore?
Don't they know it's the end of the world?
'Cause you don't love me anymore...
Why do the birds go on singing?
Why do the stars glow above?
Don't they know it's the end of the world?
It ended when I lost your love...
I wake up in the morning and I wonder
Why everything's the same as it was
I can't understand, no, I can't understand
How life goes on the way it does
Why does my heart go on beating?
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
Don't they know it's the end of the world?
It ended when you said goodbye...
Why does my heart go on beating?
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
Don't they know it's the end of the world?
It ended when you said goodbye...
Oh, in case you haven't noticed... I'm sad again.
See, I've even used the depression tag again...
Why does the sea rush to shore?
Don't they know it's the end of the world?
'Cause you don't love me anymore...
Why do the birds go on singing?
Why do the stars glow above?
Don't they know it's the end of the world?
It ended when I lost your love...
I wake up in the morning and I wonder
Why everything's the same as it was
I can't understand, no, I can't understand
How life goes on the way it does
Why does my heart go on beating?
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
Don't they know it's the end of the world?
It ended when you said goodbye...
Why does my heart go on beating?
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
Don't they know it's the end of the world?
It ended when you said goodbye...
Oh, in case you haven't noticed... I'm sad again.
See, I've even used the depression tag again...
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside.
- Susanna (Girl, Interrupted)
6 January 2009
An Unfounded Lament and An Unpublished Story
Despite my lamenting about the departure of my Yang muse, I have managed to write a story.
I am rather proud.
Sadly, I am too paranoid to post it... it reveals too much, I think. I feel I must confer with my elders before I post the whole thing.
Whoever said that 'writing can be cleansing for the soul' deserves a cookie.
But here's a tidbit anyway: (This may be edited for future purposes)
Chelsea was well prepared for moments like this. Granted, this was extremely unexpected of her, what with her reputation. She wasn’t a straight ‘A’ student, but she was definitely miles above average. She was always cheerful and polite to everyone, and always did her best.
But sometimes, she felt the need to slack off.
She always got away with it. She had an ability to always produce a perfectly flawless excuse, all thanks to her fantastic imagination and shrewd brain. And given her clean record, the teachers never second-guessed her… never even batted an eyelash.
Lying came easily to her. At least, in most situations.
Her planned excuse for today was, “I have a doctor’s appointment.” And she said just that.
“The bus to town stops on the other side of the street.”
Lying through her teeth was easy. She was good at this... In most situations.
She attempted to flash a sheepish grin. “I was thinking of dropping off my bag first. It’s no fun dragging around a heavy bag.”
He finally seemed satisfied with that. “Oh, I see.”
Chelsea’s inner self sighed with relief. That was close. Two more questions and she would have had to call Code I (‘I’ for improvisation). She rarely ever felt the need to call Code I so quickly. Making excuses was never this taxing. What made it so difficult now?
Never mind, she knew the answer to that.
I am rather proud.
Sadly, I am too paranoid to post it... it reveals too much, I think. I feel I must confer with my elders before I post the whole thing.
Whoever said that 'writing can be cleansing for the soul' deserves a cookie.
But here's a tidbit anyway: (This may be edited for future purposes)
Chelsea was well prepared for moments like this. Granted, this was extremely unexpected of her, what with her reputation. She wasn’t a straight ‘A’ student, but she was definitely miles above average. She was always cheerful and polite to everyone, and always did her best.
But sometimes, she felt the need to slack off.
She always got away with it. She had an ability to always produce a perfectly flawless excuse, all thanks to her fantastic imagination and shrewd brain. And given her clean record, the teachers never second-guessed her… never even batted an eyelash.
Lying came easily to her. At least, in most situations.
Her planned excuse for today was, “I have a doctor’s appointment.” And she said just that.
“The bus to town stops on the other side of the street.”
Lying through her teeth was easy. She was good at this... In most situations.
She attempted to flash a sheepish grin. “I was thinking of dropping off my bag first. It’s no fun dragging around a heavy bag.”
He finally seemed satisfied with that. “Oh, I see.”
Chelsea’s inner self sighed with relief. That was close. Two more questions and she would have had to call Code I (‘I’ for improvisation). She rarely ever felt the need to call Code I so quickly. Making excuses was never this taxing. What made it so difficult now?
Never mind, she knew the answer to that.
Life Imitates Art
Let it be known...
I wasn't kidding about the whole "withdrawal symptoms" thing.
T_T
I wasn't kidding about the whole "withdrawal symptoms" thing.
T_T
5 January 2009
More Than One Word
Sometimes, one word is not enough.
Sometimes, no matter how strong that one word is, it still turns out insufficient.
Sometimes you just have to rant. Or at least, in my case, produce a post with enigmatic contents.
I've said it before, I say it again. FUCK!
Winter has come.
The second act of A Thousand Splendid Suns has begun.
The contained rage inside me has awakened. Soon it shall course through my system once again.
I have created a new playlist just for the occasion. It is called "Soothe the Rage".
They say grief has 5 stages:
The threats still stand. I will destroy you, one way or another.
Then again, the passive side of my personality might come out again.
You should be thankful for that.
More often than not, my rage is directed towards myself instead.
I find that eloquence has left me today. Quite natural, seeing as my Yang* muse has now left.
("Yang" in the context of Yin and Yang. Yin, the dark side, Yang, the light side. My muse of light.)
There will be no quotes today, just an unfinished poem I wrote some time ago.
It doesn't even have a title.
Added to this fucking incident, my blood sugar seems to be extremely low at the moment.
So fuck it all, I'm going to eat.
Sometimes, no matter how strong that one word is, it still turns out insufficient.
Sometimes you just have to rant. Or at least, in my case, produce a post with enigmatic contents.
I've said it before, I say it again. FUCK!
Winter has come.
The second act of A Thousand Splendid Suns has begun.
The contained rage inside me has awakened. Soon it shall course through my system once again.
I have created a new playlist just for the occasion. It is called "Soothe the Rage".
They say grief has 5 stages:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
The threats still stand. I will destroy you, one way or another.
Then again, the passive side of my personality might come out again.
You should be thankful for that.
More often than not, my rage is directed towards myself instead.
I find that eloquence has left me today. Quite natural, seeing as my Yang* muse has now left.
("Yang" in the context of Yin and Yang. Yin, the dark side, Yang, the light side. My muse of light.)
There will be no quotes today, just an unfinished poem I wrote some time ago.
It doesn't even have a title.
Added to this fucking incident, my blood sugar seems to be extremely low at the moment.
So fuck it all, I'm going to eat.
...
Winter is nearing
Snowflakes shall soon fall
Covering, separating
The flower from The Sun
Cold and obstructing
Cruel layer of white
...
Unbearable absence
...
Occasional glimpses
From when the wind
Lifts the snow and
parts the gray clouds
The flower's core
May very well wilt
Cherish every ray
Cram every memory
Of The Sun's light
Into it's stock and store
Of course it was never
Ever meant to be
The Sun resides in its heaven
And the flower on its earth
But the flower will wait
Perhaps someday, with
the aid of the caring wind
Seeds may travel
The flower may live in a place
Where there is no snow
Someday the oppressing
winter will end
And the flower will then feel
The light of The Sun again
Winter is nearing
Snowflakes shall soon fall
Covering, separating
The flower from The Sun
Cold and obstructing
Cruel layer of white
...
Unbearable absence
...
Occasional glimpses
From when the wind
Lifts the snow and
parts the gray clouds
The flower's core
May very well wilt
Cherish every ray
Cram every memory
Of The Sun's light
Into it's stock and store
Of course it was never
Ever meant to be
The Sun resides in its heaven
And the flower on its earth
But the flower will wait
Perhaps someday, with
the aid of the caring wind
Seeds may travel
The flower may live in a place
Where there is no snow
Someday the oppressing
winter will end
And the flower will then feel
The light of The Sun again
[PS: I know I've ripped the shite out of emos in the past, but fuck it. I find that this song sums up how I feel quite accurately.]
[EDIT Feb 3 2009: Blasted copyright laws! Replaced the video though...]
Im Not Okay (I Promise) - My Chemical Romance
[EDIT Feb 3 2009: Blasted copyright laws! Replaced the video though...]
Im Not Okay (I Promise) - My Chemical Romance
4 January 2009
Love Song
[EDITED 21/01/09: I have imeem now, and it looks so much cooler.]
In lieu of my delayed New Year's post, I give you this.
One of the points in my Resolutions list is that "I will write more". And yet I have not finished the aforementioned post. Even my diary remains untouched. But do not blame me. Blame the things around me that were shiny enough to hold my undivided attention for hours on end. Blame The Thirteenth Tale in particular. What with it being so interesting and beautifully written - it captured me - ensnared me. I have been kept prisoner by its spell... for a couple of hours... So yes. I did not update.
There's a whole laundry list of things to blame, but there's really no point in enumerating said things.
Enjoy.
Love Song - Sara Bareilles
Oh, and Happy New Year.
[PS: I've posted this version and not the original music video for a simple reason. The original video cannot be embedded. Wankers.] [READ SHORT NOTE ABOVE]
In lieu of my delayed New Year's post, I give you this.
One of the points in my Resolutions list is that "I will write more". And yet I have not finished the aforementioned post. Even my diary remains untouched. But do not blame me. Blame the things around me that were shiny enough to hold my undivided attention for hours on end. Blame The Thirteenth Tale in particular. What with it being so interesting and beautifully written - it captured me - ensnared me. I have been kept prisoner by its spell... for a couple of hours... So yes. I did not update.
There's a whole laundry list of things to blame, but there's really no point in enumerating said things.
Enjoy.
Love Song - Sara Bareilles
Promise me that you'll leave the light on
To help me see with daylight, my guide, gone
'Cause I believe there's a way you can love me
Because I say
I won't write you a love song
'Cause you asked for it
'Cause you need one, you see
- Love Song, Sara Bareilles
Oh, and Happy New Year.
[PS: I've posted this version and not the original music video for a simple reason. The original video cannot be embedded. Wankers.] [READ SHORT NOTE ABOVE]
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