I am annoyed.
Since Tuesday my ears have been ringing. It's annoying. So annoying that I've considered just stabbing my ears with a pencil to get it over with. But then I figured the pain isn't really worth it.
And now too many things are just piling up on my shoulders, I just want to say to the world, back the F off.
You want evidence that there is no god? Here's your evidence. If there happened to be a god, I would like to tell him that he messed up, that his world isn't as cracked up as he thinks it is, and he should sod off.
I think I'm allowed a few selfish moments every now and then. I believe I am living my life as good as I can possibly be. But feck, why do all the selfish people around me get all the good bits? It's not fair, really. But life isn't really fair to begin with. Bahhh..
If I get depressed, I'm killing someone.
Rant - far, FAR FAR from over. My anger is bubbling over like an imminent volcanic eruption.
25 May 2008
15 May 2008
Late Night, Belated Post
This feeling I’ve had since as long as I can remember, that I get from certain things
It’s like a cursed version of nostalgia.
A kind of warm and fuzzy feeling, not happy, never happy. More like tranquil, calm and content. It feels like a warm cramp spreading from my chest to my arms.
13 May 2008
Like, So Gay!!
May 13, 2008
Mood: *procrastinating*
I know I abhor chain letters or anything that ends with "Repost this if you love/believe/feel/think/want..."
But this... THIS I couldn't not post... I just HAD to:
10 Best reasons Gay Marriage is wrong:
1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
Re-post this if you believe love makes a marriage.
It's so hilarious but it's also straight to the point, shoot-through-the core wit. Why shouldn't we let gay people get married? Marriage is supposed to be based on love. They love each other. Why not give them equal rights?
Mood: *procrastinating*
I know I abhor chain letters or anything that ends with "Repost this if you love/believe/feel/think/want..."
But this... THIS I couldn't not post... I just HAD to:
10 Best reasons Gay Marriage is wrong:
1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
Re-post this if you believe love makes a marriage.
It's so hilarious but it's also straight to the point, shoot-through-the core wit. Why shouldn't we let gay people get married? Marriage is supposed to be based on love. They love each other. Why not give them equal rights?
9 May 2008
I don't get people
Why is it that people tell you to be honest when they ask a question, and yet get mad and/or hurt when you do answer honestly? Especially if your answer wasn't the one that they wanted to hear?
6 May 2008
Exhausted
May 6, 2008
Mood: *weary*
I was just about to go to bed when I remembered that I had to write here.
Cause today I took the bus, and that always sends me into a kind of contemplative mood.
And so I realized, that today, I was weary. Tired. Exhausted.
But not sad.
It was a kind of beautiful pain, I guess.
Sweet melancholia.
I guess the feeling could be compared to a candle flame, just burning still. Not flickering, but standing upright. That crucial moment where it stays still, before it snuffs out.
That may be the wrong analogy, seeing as I'm not really...
Hmm...
Ah well. I'm just really tired, I guess.
Mood: *weary*
I was just about to go to bed when I remembered that I had to write here.
Cause today I took the bus, and that always sends me into a kind of contemplative mood.
And so I realized, that today, I was weary. Tired. Exhausted.
But not sad.
It was a kind of beautiful pain, I guess.
Sweet melancholia.
I guess the feeling could be compared to a candle flame, just burning still. Not flickering, but standing upright. That crucial moment where it stays still, before it snuffs out.
That may be the wrong analogy, seeing as I'm not really...
Hmm...
Ah well. I'm just really tired, I guess.
1 May 2008
Emo People and People Who Act Emo
May 1, 2008
Mood: --exasperated--
I'm very nearly sure now that I do want to be a psychologist in the future. Or a psychiatrist. The remaining years of school before I graduate shall be dedicated to finding out the difference between the two, and which one I really want to be.
This post is going to be about mental health and stuff related to it. Because I need to get a lot of these things out of my system.
See, in my opinion, people have a right to be sad. They have a right to feel down. They might feel sad for a reason; they might not have a reason at all. Some people may have a bigger and more legitimate reason to be sad than others. But the bottom line is - everyone has a right to feel things.
Different people have different capacities for pain. Some people can handle a lot of stuff before breaking; others have very little tolerance. Some people can bounce back after a very short period of sadness, others need a longer span of time. Some people might just feel slightly sad for a day, while for others the sadness may be rooted in a bit deeper, and it might evolve into depression.
Having said that...
--here comes the rant--
I don't like emo people.
Not just the MCR-listening, make-up wearing, eye-liner abusing, tattered clothed population. I dislike people who act emo. Those people who are sad because they desperately make themselves sad. Those people who have everything in the world to be thankful for, and yet don't see it because they refuse to see it. Those people who are in all actuality just minorly sad, yet claim that they are heavily depressed and take your focus away from people who actually need help.
I think I just addressed a vast majority of MySpace occupants in that last paragraph.
But seriously... I just can't stand it when someone who's pretty much well off in life, lives with their parents, has no bills or lawsuits or jobs or anything to worry about, and has time and money to buy make-up and color their hair, comes up to me and constantly badgers me with the fact that they're depressed.
EXCUSE ME??!
I'm not stupid. I know the difference between sad people and depressed people. I tend to be warmer and give more help to the latter, because there's a very real possibility that they might do something to themselves. And no one wants that to happen.
But please. Don't cut yourself and post the pictures on whatever internet account you have! That's NOT depression - that's attempting to fit in and conform with the "cool emo" crowd! That, in my opinion, is a blatant act of "Hey everyone! Look at me! I'm so fecking emo I shit razor blades and cut myself with them! Ho ho ho!!"
The worst part of it is that they drain you. They drain you of every drop of positive energy in your system. They come up to you and speak of how damn awful their life is. They turn all the focus to themselves. All the time. They eat you up, and then chew you thoroughly, and spit you out. Then they move on to other people and do the same.
And so when someone who REALLY needs help comes along, you're left with no energy to help them.
Why??? WHY?!?!
There are several types of people in this category. The ones I hate the most are those who fell in love once (or at least thought they fell in love) and then got their hearts broken. They then spend the rest of whoever-well-knows-how-long whining and lamenting their broken hearts, and loudly complaining that they're alone.
NO, you're NOT!!
First of all, there are 6 billion people in the world and counting. Second of all, you live with your parents, they provide for you, you don't have to worry about anything financially. You have friends, you have teachers and everything...
Third of all, if you continue whining to everyone you've met and just met that "z0mg I'm so alone no one will ever love me cause I'm hideous and all that and if he/she/it couldn't even stay with then who will oh the pain, the pain I think I'm just gonna cry help me I don't know what to do he/she/it was my world I don't know what to do without her anymore"...
You might as well just spend the rest of your days alone, cause I don't know anyone who can bear with that kind of self-deprecating attitude. It's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There is nothing good that comes out of being emo. Of course the world becomes dark and grey sometimes. But don't be surprised if it's dark and gray for them all of the time, because naturally it WILL be dark and gray if you choose to keep your head in the mud all the time.
--end rant--
So it's no wonder I panic whenever I see that a friend has taken their profile picture in the bathroom. Or if they have them "MySpace angle shots". It's a slippery slope, and I don't want them to fall in.
Playing with cats is a good stress reliever. I already feel better. :D
Mood: --exasperated--
I'm very nearly sure now that I do want to be a psychologist in the future. Or a psychiatrist. The remaining years of school before I graduate shall be dedicated to finding out the difference between the two, and which one I really want to be.
This post is going to be about mental health and stuff related to it. Because I need to get a lot of these things out of my system.
See, in my opinion, people have a right to be sad. They have a right to feel down. They might feel sad for a reason; they might not have a reason at all. Some people may have a bigger and more legitimate reason to be sad than others. But the bottom line is - everyone has a right to feel things.
Different people have different capacities for pain. Some people can handle a lot of stuff before breaking; others have very little tolerance. Some people can bounce back after a very short period of sadness, others need a longer span of time. Some people might just feel slightly sad for a day, while for others the sadness may be rooted in a bit deeper, and it might evolve into depression.
Having said that...
--here comes the rant--
I don't like emo people.
Not just the MCR-listening, make-up wearing, eye-liner abusing, tattered clothed population. I dislike people who act emo. Those people who are sad because they desperately make themselves sad. Those people who have everything in the world to be thankful for, and yet don't see it because they refuse to see it. Those people who are in all actuality just minorly sad, yet claim that they are heavily depressed and take your focus away from people who actually need help.
I think I just addressed a vast majority of MySpace occupants in that last paragraph.
But seriously... I just can't stand it when someone who's pretty much well off in life, lives with their parents, has no bills or lawsuits or jobs or anything to worry about, and has time and money to buy make-up and color their hair, comes up to me and constantly badgers me with the fact that they're depressed.
EXCUSE ME??!
I'm not stupid. I know the difference between sad people and depressed people. I tend to be warmer and give more help to the latter, because there's a very real possibility that they might do something to themselves. And no one wants that to happen.
But please. Don't cut yourself and post the pictures on whatever internet account you have! That's NOT depression - that's attempting to fit in and conform with the "cool emo" crowd! That, in my opinion, is a blatant act of "Hey everyone! Look at me! I'm so fecking emo I shit razor blades and cut myself with them! Ho ho ho!!"
The worst part of it is that they drain you. They drain you of every drop of positive energy in your system. They come up to you and speak of how damn awful their life is. They turn all the focus to themselves. All the time. They eat you up, and then chew you thoroughly, and spit you out. Then they move on to other people and do the same.
And so when someone who REALLY needs help comes along, you're left with no energy to help them.
Why??? WHY?!?!
There are several types of people in this category. The ones I hate the most are those who fell in love once (or at least thought they fell in love) and then got their hearts broken. They then spend the rest of whoever-well-knows-how-long whining and lamenting their broken hearts, and loudly complaining that they're alone.
NO, you're NOT!!
First of all, there are 6 billion people in the world and counting. Second of all, you live with your parents, they provide for you, you don't have to worry about anything financially. You have friends, you have teachers and everything...
Third of all, if you continue whining to everyone you've met and just met that "z0mg I'm so alone no one will ever love me cause I'm hideous and all that and if he/she/it couldn't even stay with then who will oh the pain, the pain I think I'm just gonna cry help me I don't know what to do he/she/it was my world I don't know what to do without her anymore"...
You might as well just spend the rest of your days alone, cause I don't know anyone who can bear with that kind of self-deprecating attitude. It's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There is nothing good that comes out of being emo. Of course the world becomes dark and grey sometimes. But don't be surprised if it's dark and gray for them all of the time, because naturally it WILL be dark and gray if you choose to keep your head in the mud all the time.
--end rant--
So it's no wonder I panic whenever I see that a friend has taken their profile picture in the bathroom. Or if they have them "MySpace angle shots". It's a slippery slope, and I don't want them to fall in.
Playing with cats is a good stress reliever. I already feel better. :D
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