…and why I do not want to see the movie. Ever.
So I finally gathered my thoughts together to form a coherent argument, since there are no more exams to distract me.
First of all, I do not even remotely care that the bloke is British – accents can be hidden, as demonstrated by Christian Bale in Batman Begins.
Second of all; hair color. So he’s blonde. Whatever. Dye his hair in that weird shade of bronze and auburn.
So why don’t I like him?
Well…I don’t care that Stephenie Meyers likes him. Although I do respect her decision (and she should know anyways, she’s the writer), allow me to say this; Jo did not object either when the imbeciles at WB hired Michael Gambon to play Dumbledore, thus forever leaving the children who watched GoF mental images of the kind, gentle, well-mannered, corky old grandpa SHAKING and YELLING at the poor bewildered Harry Potter.
[Heart rate: 92 beats per minute… am I angry yet?]
I don’t like him because he’s not how I pictured Edward. I don’t think anyone really pictured him as Edward. I think the people who claim he’s perfect as Edward are just lying to themselves. Because this guy is not Edward.
True, Pattinson is attractive, but come on. Let’s face it. He’s not and will never be the impossibly handsome and almost godlike Edward.
Pattinson and Edward are just… like Yin and Yang. Pattinson is course whereas Edward is smooth. Pattinson is rough whereas Edward is refined. Pattinson is common whereas Edward is extraordinary. And Pattinson is human – human features, human looks, human impression. Just. Human. No trace of the divine ethereal grace that Edward is.
Plus, I don’t like how angular his face is. I think Pattinson is more of a Picasso while Edward is a Botticelli (I thought of the angels…)
(And yes, I checked out the Vanity Fair pictures that everyone is yapping about. I think I stared at those for a long time before coming to the conclusion that……Tom Cruise is a better Lestat.)
I know that people will complain anyways, whoever they cast. But still. Couldn’t they at least have chosen someone else who is as good an actor but doesn’t look as… normal?
And yes. So he’s a good actor. Fine. If acting skills were just the deciding factor, then why did they not hire Johnny Depp? Now there’s an excellent one, if you ask me. And he’s handsome too. And you can just fix it with make-up, you know? Or if you’re worried about the age, then take… unfortunately, I don’t fangirl a lot of 20-or-so years old actors. But I’m sure you get my point.
I really can’t think of anything to say now. This note which should only have taken 10 minutes to write ate up a good 45 minutes of my life. I had to stop every once in a while and remember to breathe, and to remind myself that I have no intentions of buying myself a new keyboard.For my Edward, I would give up my heart, my life, my soul. For this guy… nothing. Oh no, wait. I would give up my extra pair of tweezers so he could finally do something about those eyebrows. He’s not Collin Farrell, it doesn’t work.
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Ah yes. My anti-Pattinson rant. I originally wrote this on Facebook, but I thought it deserved a place here too.
There's something else missing here... oh yeah!
One of my friends linked me to a video on YouTube. Someone had compiled clips of Edward fangirls reacting when they found out that our god was to be played by this Robert Pattinson. Understandably, they were outraged, and it was obvious in their expressions and body language.
Now at the end of said video, this person wrote that "You make Robert cry. You. Yes you." Albeit not verbatim, but it's close.
To that person, I only have this to say;
I watched your video. Several times, trying to see if I had indeed made Pattinson cry. He did not. So I leave you with this definition that you so DESPERATELY need to know and understand.
cry \ˈkrī\ verb : weeping
Inflected Form(s): cried; cry·ing
Etymology: Middle English crien, from Anglo-French crier, from Latin quiritare to make a public outcry, perhaps from Quirit-, Quiris, Roman citizen
Date: 13th century
That is all. I shall be sending you a Thesaurus for Christmas, so you can finally make PROPER accusations.
Still not watching the damn movie.
Lots of love [and hate],
The Crazy Authoress.
I agre 1000% Im not seeing this movie, I hope it tanks.
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