Nutter in The Woods

Last night, I was at a party, and it very nearly turned into a stereotypical horror movie. 'Twas fun though.

Here's what happened;

We were in a cottage in the middle of the woods, next to some old, unused mines. The festivities started at around 8pm, but the real heart-pounding fun did not start until around the stroke of midnight.

Around 11 pm, the guys thought it would be fun to go and explore the old mines. After a while, the girls started getting curious as to where the guys had gone and why they hadn't come back yet. The males did eventually return, but they kept going back outside. Due to incessant queries by the females (you do not hide shite from females), the guys then admitted the reason for their vigil outside; apparently they had seen an unknown man walk past them, past the mines and towards the woods. This got them a bit curious, as there was nothing there - no reason for anyone to go there so late in the night. But they didn't think much of it.

And then they heard a scream.

While all that was happening, myself and two friends were chatting by a window, oblivious to whatever was happening outside. Then we saw something hit the windowpane. Pretty soon it became clear that *someone was knocking on the glass and scraping a glove against it*. Our initial thought was that it was just someone we knew who was messing around with us, but it quickly became obvious that we were mistaken. All the girls were inside, and all the guys were congregated outside the entrance - situated at the other end of the cabin.

By this time it was clear to everyone that some nutter was messing around with us. Midnight saw everyone gathered around the door, looking at each other with an expression of apprehension. I'm pretty sure the word on everyone's mind at that moment was a four-letter word starting with 'F' and ending with 'uck'.

Anyway, we weren't really sure what to do yet, so we all just stood there, waiting. Then I looked out a window from across the room and saw a face. I thought, 'Reflection?', but then soon realized that it was not. Lying perpendicular to that window was a long table, so there was no way anyone could've stood there. Then the guys saw something from another window and the tension increased threefold. We locked all the windows and gathered around the now-locked entrance. The birthday girl called her parents to ask if they could stop by and check on us. Pretty much everyone was looking at each other nervously, having seen one too many horror movies in their time.

The guys were impressively quite brave. Once again they decided to stand guard outside and wait until our hostess' parents arrived. So they gave us girls explicit instructions to keep the door locked, then went outside. I then understood why boys usually die first in horror movies - they lack the ability that girls have to get scared and stay inside where it's safe! To show my support though, I gave one of them a fireplace poker.

"Don't stand there unarmed."

Even after the parentals arrived, the nutter kept on throwing stuff at the house - twigs and nuts and whatnot. There really was nothing the guys could do, as it was dark and near zero-visibility in the woods. I, however, made myself pretty useful by lecturing people on how not to die when in a horror movie. "Don't have sex," I told them, "You'll die first." True story.

At around 1am we all decided to call it a night. People went home, and the nutter was never discovered or caught. He's still there, and who knows what he'll be up to next time.

Rules to Survive a Horror Movie, #22-23: (Source Unknown)

The first woman to either lose or remove her clothing is dead meat.

The guy with the testosterone overdose is also dead meat.