Self-Diagnosis

Right.

I think I know what my problem is.

I've already established that I have a bad habit of running when things get uncomfortable. Well, basically, *that* is my problem. For a supposedly emotional creature, I don't really allow myself to feel. I let myself be giddy with happiness; float high above clouds and all that shite. But I tend to run at the first sign of anything negative. It's fairly obvious when I watch TV - if the main character has to go through disappointment or embarrassment of any kind, it takes all my strength to keep myself from switching channels or bolting out of the room.

This, from a person who genuinely hates all the cutesy fluffy stuff Disney has to offer.

I run. I run, or I suppress stuff. When life throws me a curve ball, I look away from it and distract myself with other things. Very unhealthy habit. Because ignoring or running away from said things don't really make them go away. If anything, it has the potential of making them stronger. Instead of facing up to them the moment they appear, I turn my back, and so they join together with whichever new shite comes along, and then I have twice as many demons to contend with.

I should allow myself to feel. What am I afraid of? I'm not going to break.

Maybe I'm afraid cause when I let myself feel - I *really* do feel. But I tend to be sadder than most people because I let things pile up. Maybe I should stop doing that and gather up the courage to stand my ground and face whatever's coming.

I mean... Fuck's sake.

But even Timelords run. Why can't I?

Oh, the ones that ran away. I never stopped.

- The Tenth Doctor