July 12, 2008
Mood: --A concoction of angry, sad and indifferent--
I don't like my life.
Yes, I am in one of those moods again.
Maybe it's because I'm tired of trying to understand everyone and everything. I'm sick of accepting whatever limitations are in my way, and not forcing others to give me what I want. I'm probably sick of seeing selfish people whisk by in front of me, already clutching the things they want because they were (surprise surprise) selfish enough to just grab what they want.
I try, but I can't do that.
I'm about to turn 18, and I've got nothing to show for it. This sucks. I CAN complain, because honestly, I feel that I at least deserve a bit more, but I also CAN'T complain because there are a lot of people out there who deserve a lot more than I do, and yet don't even have anything.
I don't really want to be here.
I should probably stop thinking this way, as it leads to that slippery slope. And it's hard to climb back up once you fall down there.
Still I can't help but wish for another life. I already know which life I want. It's a hundred times more difficult than my own, but also a thousand times easier to deal with, a whole lot more satisfying, and definitely a lot happier.
I'm having a mid-life crisis at (almost) 18. Wonderful.
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