A Concert

Guitar riffs going off in my head
Angry flashes of blinding light
Somehow everything has become red
Nails dig in a fist clenched tight

Inanimate objects lose their life
They break in half, they wither, they die
Muscles clench, prepare for armed strife
Abundant rage expressed through a sigh

Inside my mind it's a concert all right
Fucking angry riffs, damn defeaning sounds
Drowning in the melody resonating through the night
Howl out your feelings, akin to the hounds

Vocal chords be scratched
In a long drawn scream
Emotions be unmatched
In this horrible waking dream

The guitars are still playing
Unheard by anyone but me
It is my angst they are relaying
No one else to drown but me

Is There?

'Prophet!' said I, 'thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'

Quoth the raven, 'Nevermore.'

More Than One Word

Sometimes, one word is not enough.

Sometimes, no matter how strong that one word is, it still turns out insufficient.

Sometimes you just have to rant. Or at least, in my case, produce a post with enigmatic contents.

I've said it before, I say it again. FUCK!

Winter has come.

The second act of A Thousand Splendid Suns has begun.

The contained rage inside me has awakened. Soon it shall course through my system once again.

I have created a new playlist just for the occasion. It is called "Soothe the Rage".

They say grief has 5 stages:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

Denial is a river in Egypt. Once again, I am currently drowning in it.

The threats still stand. I will destroy you, one way or another.
Then again, the passive side of my personality might come out again.
You should be thankful for that.
More often than not, my rage is directed towards myself instead.

I find that eloquence has left me today. Quite natural, seeing as my Yang* muse has now left.
("Yang" in the context of Yin and Yang. Yin, the dark side, Yang, the light side. My muse of light.)

There will be no quotes today, just an unfinished poem I wrote some time ago.
It doesn't even have a title.

Added to this fucking incident, my blood sugar seems to be extremely low at the moment.

So fuck it all, I'm going to eat.

...

Winter is nearing
Snowflakes shall soon fall
Covering, separating
The flower from The Sun

Cold and obstructing
Cruel layer of white
...
Unbearable absence
...
Occasional glimpses
From when the wind
Lifts the snow and
parts the gray clouds

The flower's core
May very well wilt

Cherish every ray
Cram every memory
Of The Sun's light
Into it's stock and store

Of course it was never
Ever meant to be
The Sun resides in its heaven
And the flower on its earth

But the flower will wait
Perhaps someday, with
the aid of the caring wind
Seeds may travel
The flower may live in a place
Where there is no snow

Someday the oppressing
winter will end
And the flower will then feel
The light of The Sun again

[PS: I know I've ripped the shite out of emos in the past, but fuck it. I find that this song sums up how I feel quite accurately.]

[EDIT Feb 3 2009: Blasted copyright laws! Replaced the video though...]

Im Not Okay (I Promise) - My Chemical Romance

Late Night Inspiration

Why can't we sleep when we're in love?
Is it because reality has finally become better than our dreams?
The waking world has finally matched the splendour of dreams...
Or is it because of our thoughts?
The constant wondering about that special person.
Is he sleeping? Is he awake? Is he dreaming? What is he dreaming of?
Is he dreaming of me too?
Is he thinking about me too?
A constant drone of musings, robbing you of sleep...
Not only that; but every minor sound; every insignificant thing
Becomes a reminder of that person
A small crack on the ceiling, the color of the curtains...
Everything. It's diabolical.
Maybe it's that uncomfortable, pining feeling.
Or a feeling of anxious anticipation.
How can you lie down and close your eyes -
- when you realize that you're separated from your love -
- by 12 cruel hours?
Wouldn't you just lie awake -
- and stare at the clock -
- and will the hours away?
On rare occasions it becomes too much
And you have to get up and write it all down
Your thoughts, your musings, all your wonderings
Aided by the light from a small iPod screen
And then of course you can't go back to sleep,
Because you're writing a poem about why people in love can't sleep...

Three Haikus

I am incredibly happy. For several reasons.

Well, several reasons stemming from ONE reason.

Rather than go on a really long spiel, I shall express myself with three haikus...

Like a flower
Trapped in a long desert draught
The rains came

The sun has risen
Four days of utter darkness
Has come to an end

The sky is peaceful
For even the heavens know
The night is over

Yes, I am very happy. :)
The smiley does not do it justice.

Incomprehensible

This is a poem I wrote back when the darkness took over and I had not yet met the sun.

Reason for posting: My blood-sugar level is quite low at the moment, and I'm currently listening to a very angsty song by Nine Inch Nails.

INCOMPREHENSIBLE

Voices come and haunt me again
The cut I made was too deep
Now the blood is starting to seep
Leaving an imprint, a dark red stain

Carmine liquid’s flow i have to restrain
Not let a single drop drop
No one can harvest my crop
What’s going on? Can’t understand my brain

Didn’t want this to go this way
A slip of the fingers
A rupture of cells
Guess some price I have to pay

Wandering blindly for some cure
A balm to soothe
Though the point is moot
Murky precipitate on my arm’s pure

The lights are on, no difference made
Unsteady pulse, unsteady steps
Vacuous, morbid, uninitiated prep
Have I done this time, sealed my own fate?

Slumped into the throne of dreams
Let out an uneasy laugh
Think I’m done, slashed too rough
Oh God, who hears my screams?

~owari~

Library Poem

My sunlight
streaming into my life
Fountain of joy
Bringer of bliss

Your visage
A gift from the gods
Bestowed unto mortals
Directly from above

The Fates are cruel
Yet incredibly kind
To make our paths meet
Makes my life worthwhile

A single glimpse
Gives a natural high
What is it with your presence
That makes me go mad?

You are my muse
You are my light
You are my beacon
In the darkness of my life

More I can say
But more I won't say
For when you are near me
Reason disappears

Heels over head I've fallen
Yet I continue to fall
This could go on forever
But I wouldn't want it to end...

A Poem!

The Effect You Have On Me

I do not like musicals
I dislike having to dance
I despise happy people
Never even gave them a chance

But now I find I HAVE to dance
Sometimes I break out in song
There's glee in me I can't contain
It's just impossible to control

Oh, the effect you have on me...

I have become the thing I hate -
- a giggling, blushing mess
I jump around, I dance around
I sometimes do a jig

My steps have gained that hateful bounce
I practically prance around
I hug random people on the street
The world has turned around

The effect you have on me...

My life is now filled with music
It's the kind I hate too
The upbeat one - the HAPPY one
Unthinkable, yet true

Unicorns now nuzzle me
Rainbows pop out and greet me
I wave at them, I say hello
A dance! - then off I go

The. Effect. You. Have. On. Me.

Stay: Encore

I have memories
To keep me alive
But the soul gets parched
And needs fresh water

Just the mere thought of it
Wracks me with pain

I wish to shed tears
But I won't let them fall
Because I fear
They might make it true

Please don't ever leave
Because I need you

Stay

Please don't leave
For my happiness
Gravitates around you

You are my light
My fountain of joy
My source of bliss

I am well aware
This was only borrowed time
But I wish this time
Would go much slower

I refuse to think
Of your departure
Because I need you to stay

You are my reason
For everything good
My heart will burst of sorrow
If it's finally goodbye

But please don't ever leave
Because I need you

My Human Meth

My Human Meth

You've turned me into an addict
I'm burning in my personal hell
I go through withdrawal symptoms
The moment you go and walk away
You've turned me into an addict
A junkie looking for the well
of blissful intoxication
Every second away from you
is unbearable torture
I yearn to hear your voice
I long to see your face
The very moment you step away
The angels pack and go away
You've turned me into an addict
You're the object of my obsession;
My unhealthy, unrequited love affair
You've turned me into an addict