Words of Comfort: Part II

Because the road to recovery is long and filled with ups and downs... pretty much like a rollercoaster ride. Except that here, when people scream, they don't do so because they're thrilled.

(I promise I'll stop being emo soon.)

Apologize

I'm holding on your rope

Got me ten feet off the ground

I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound

You tell me that you need me

Then you go and cut me down, but wait...

You tell me that you're sorry

Didn't think I'd turn around and say that;

It's too late to apologize.

It's too late...

I said it's too late to apologize.

It's too late...

I'd take another chance, take a fall; take a shot for you

And I need you like a heart needs a beat

But it's nothing new...

I loved you with a fire red; now it's turning blue

And you say "sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you

But I'm afraid -

It's too late to apologize.

It's too late...

I said it's too late to apologize.

It's too late...

It's too late to apologize

It's too late

I said it's too late to apologize

It's too late

I said it's too late to apologize

I said it's too late to apologize

I'm holding on your rope

Got me ten feet off the ground

It's As If This Movie Was Made For Me

[Watch me needlessly project myself on fictional characters.]

This is an accurate depiction of how I feel right now.

Look at them. Both with broken hearts; aching... hurting... both knowing that there can be no turning back.

I feel for them both.

It Rains Both Outside and Inside

I am currently weeping because of a Kate Nash song.

I really love Kate Nash. Her songs are amazing. The words cut through you like a knife. Anyone and everyone can relate to at least one of her songs.

Before I post the lyrics, I just have one question;

Why do I still love you?

The Nicest Thing

All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish we could see if we could be something

Like Tea, Apparently

How does one blog about breaking someone's heart? Is there really a proper way to do it?

You can't possibly feel comfortable about rejecting someone when you've felt the pain of rejection yourself. But you also can't let yourself be swayed by others' emotions... you can't enter a relationship merely out of sympathy...

Matters of the heart are always messy. How can it not be? You're ripping out your heart and handing it over to another person.

Love is just like a cup of tea;
when properly mixed, it has a wonderful aroma.
If it is too strong, it will be too bitter to drink.
- Jing Si

O.M.G.

I love The Sandman. I'm sure of it now. I love it.

I'm going to start collecting the whole series. All doubts have gone out the window.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like "maybe we should be just friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love.

- Rose Walker, SANDMAN #65: "The Kindly Ones:9"

And The Devil Girl Fell in Love...

I am currently loving a Sinfest story arc.

In the story, a devil girl meets a nerd. An evangelist then comes along and condemns the devil girl for "tormenting" the nerd's soul, and then later castigates the nerd for "consorting with [the devil girl] of his own free will". Finally fed up, the devil girl moves to destroy the evangelist, but the nerd stops her. And then this exchange takes place:

Nerd: No! You don't want to do this!
D.G.: Yes, I do. I'm a devil girl!
Nerd: But you weren't always a devil girl.

And so she fell in love.

But of course, The Devil does not approve.

Here's the latest comic from the arc:

Ishida-sama, I sincerely apologize for any bandwidth problems I may cause by linking to this pic... But I just feel that I have to share this masterpiece with the world!*

[*Well, with my reader(s) anyway...]

Here be links to the important strips. The whole thing starts in the Expand My World arc (this one is particularly important), and then continues on:

• Aw Hell 5
• Time To Get Busy
• Reversion
• Gypsy 'nique 5
• Intellectual (this one's a whole arc. Here be part 2 and the others)
• Evil Eye 2
• Day in the Life
• Nerd Puppet (2 parts)
• He'll Never Love Me
• Convert
• Lovesick
• Stupid Stupid Stupid
• Snap Out of It
• Devil Book (2 parts)
  
• Love Poetry
• Love Letter
• Medication

The latest strip, so aptly titled "I'm Not in Love" is already posted up there.

I really hope her story ends in a happy note... because not all stories do, you know. Real life stories in particular tend to end in heartbreak.

But you weren't always a devil girl...
- Crimnee

Wanted

Where is this diapered archer? Imma cut him with one of his arrows.

Cupid. If I ever get my hands on him.

Cupid is a knavish lad, Thus to make poor females mad.
- William Shakespeare

Love Ballad

(I love this ballad. Twas written by Bill Bailey.)



I was alone
My heart was cold
It was a stone
My soul was lonely
Like a stone
There was no moss

And when I danced
I danced alone
But then I did not dance
Because I was alone
So I did not dance

I shuffled through life invisible
To all happy couples
Who would mock me
With their merry laughter
Ha ha ha

The only sound I heard
In my lonely silent world
Was the rusty hammer of my heart
Nailing at the hatred in my soul

But then you came...

And my life was turned upside down
You showed me the beauty
Of the things that I had never seen
Like the snowflake that melts on the eyelash of a startled deer

Or the painting of a dog
That wears a deerstalker and smokes a pipe
That made you laugh so heartily
That I previously thought was rubbish

Or the duck that lands so clumsily on a frozen pond in winter
But the intoxicating power of our love
Transforms this simple act into an anthropomorphic drama
Where Mr Duck’s embarrassed and the other ducks are laughing
“Quack quack quack quack quack”

And then you left

And I have died a thousand deaths
And I will die a thousand more
I thought you were an angel
You turned out to be a whore

And everything is turned to dust
And everything is infected with a plague
When you had to sleep with Craig

'Oh, he's so sensitive'
'He’s got a tattoo'
Yeah, carving your name with a compass in my forehead
Was not enough for you?

The snowflake on the eye of the deer
Has turned to pus
That oozes from an open wound
The deer, now blinded, stumbles into a ravine

The duck lies shredded in a pancake
Soaking in the hoi sin of your lies

The dog has moved from the pipe
To 60 cigarettes a day
And coughs away his life
In the cold neon research lab

Of your betrayal
Of your betrayal

Late Night Inspiration

Why can't we sleep when we're in love?
Is it because reality has finally become better than our dreams?
The waking world has finally matched the splendour of dreams...
Or is it because of our thoughts?
The constant wondering about that special person.
Is he sleeping? Is he awake? Is he dreaming? What is he dreaming of?
Is he dreaming of me too?
Is he thinking about me too?
A constant drone of musings, robbing you of sleep...
Not only that; but every minor sound; every insignificant thing
Becomes a reminder of that person
A small crack on the ceiling, the color of the curtains...
Everything. It's diabolical.
Maybe it's that uncomfortable, pining feeling.
Or a feeling of anxious anticipation.
How can you lie down and close your eyes -
- when you realize that you're separated from your love -
- by 12 cruel hours?
Wouldn't you just lie awake -
- and stare at the clock -
- and will the hours away?
On rare occasions it becomes too much
And you have to get up and write it all down
Your thoughts, your musings, all your wonderings
Aided by the light from a small iPod screen
And then of course you can't go back to sleep,
Because you're writing a poem about why people in love can't sleep...

Three Haikus

I am incredibly happy. For several reasons.

Well, several reasons stemming from ONE reason.

Rather than go on a really long spiel, I shall express myself with three haikus...

Like a flower
Trapped in a long desert draught
The rains came

The sun has risen
Four days of utter darkness
Has come to an end

The sky is peaceful
For even the heavens know
The night is over

Yes, I am very happy. :)
The smiley does not do it justice.

Library Poem

My sunlight
streaming into my life
Fountain of joy
Bringer of bliss

Your visage
A gift from the gods
Bestowed unto mortals
Directly from above

The Fates are cruel
Yet incredibly kind
To make our paths meet
Makes my life worthwhile

A single glimpse
Gives a natural high
What is it with your presence
That makes me go mad?

You are my muse
You are my light
You are my beacon
In the darkness of my life

More I can say
But more I won't say
For when you are near me
Reason disappears

Heels over head I've fallen
Yet I continue to fall
This could go on forever
But I wouldn't want it to end...

A Poem!

The Effect You Have On Me

I do not like musicals
I dislike having to dance
I despise happy people
Never even gave them a chance

But now I find I HAVE to dance
Sometimes I break out in song
There's glee in me I can't contain
It's just impossible to control

Oh, the effect you have on me...

I have become the thing I hate -
- a giggling, blushing mess
I jump around, I dance around
I sometimes do a jig

My steps have gained that hateful bounce
I practically prance around
I hug random people on the street
The world has turned around

The effect you have on me...

My life is now filled with music
It's the kind I hate too
The upbeat one - the HAPPY one
Unthinkable, yet true

Unicorns now nuzzle me
Rainbows pop out and greet me
I wave at them, I say hello
A dance! - then off I go

The. Effect. You. Have. On. Me.

Lack of Appetite

I cannot eat! D:

Or rather - I cannot eat properly!

My appetite has gone wacko! I'd be terrible hungry one moment, then suddenly lose my appetite after 2-3 bites of food. I can't be running on an empty stomach! It's maddening.

I know why I'm this way. Never thought I'd experience it, but ah well... shows how much I know.

...including pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, which act similar to amphetamines, stimulating the brain's pleasure center and leading to side-effects such as an increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement.
- Wikipedia (where else?)

Stay: Encore

I have memories
To keep me alive
But the soul gets parched
And needs fresh water

Just the mere thought of it
Wracks me with pain

I wish to shed tears
But I won't let them fall
Because I fear
They might make it true

Please don't ever leave
Because I need you

Stay

Please don't leave
For my happiness
Gravitates around you

You are my light
My fountain of joy
My source of bliss

I am well aware
This was only borrowed time
But I wish this time
Would go much slower

I refuse to think
Of your departure
Because I need you to stay

You are my reason
For everything good
My heart will burst of sorrow
If it's finally goodbye

But please don't ever leave
Because I need you

My Human Meth

My Human Meth

You've turned me into an addict
I'm burning in my personal hell
I go through withdrawal symptoms
The moment you go and walk away
You've turned me into an addict
A junkie looking for the well
of blissful intoxication
Every second away from you
is unbearable torture
I yearn to hear your voice
I long to see your face
The very moment you step away
The angels pack and go away
You've turned me into an addict
You're the object of my obsession;
My unhealthy, unrequited love affair
You've turned me into an addict

Of Chemicals and Stupidity

January 31, 2008
Mood: completely and utterly miserable

I think I finally figured out why I've been feeling so down this past week...

True, stress from various stuff could have added to the equation. But I doubt that those small irritations were enough to cause me to walk around like a zombie, wanting nothing more but to just dig my own resting spot.

No.

It's dopamine, norepinephrine and low levels of serotonin. Dopamine is the chemical usually associated with states of euphoria, cravings and addiction. High levels of dopamine are also associated with norepinephrine, which heightens attention, short-term memory, hyperactivity, sleeplessness and goal-oriented behavior. Low levels of serotonin are often found in people with obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Hmm... this past week I have been cooking strange new recipes, cause I often found myself sitting somewhere with a strange taste in my mouth. Thankfully, all of my hare-brained recipes succeeded, so yeah. I also had trouble remembering stuff. I often forgot what I did just a few minutes prior. I've been fidgety, twitchy and just generally restless. And no matter how tired I am, I find that I have to force myself to finally sleep.

Obsessive... Can we talk about when I was NOT obsessive? I'm a stalk-- RESEARCHER. Yes, I'm a researcher. Of course it's part of my job to be obsessive.

So what am I babbling about, my dear friends? What do these three chemicals do, in layman's terms?

I think I'm falling in love.

Or perhaps I've already fallen.

I don't want to. I can't. But of course that nasty diapered dude has to show around and shoot me with his arrows. What can I do? He enjoys shooting me. I'm an easy prey.

I find that I fall in love quite easily. However, getting me to fall OUT of love is a mighty Herculean task. Maybe it's got something to do with how my kind always wear our hearts on our sleeves.

And wow. February is just around the corner.

Valentine's Day is going to be hell. But then again, it always has been hell for me.

*sigh*

Yeah, yeah. You're probably thinking, what is her problem? Why won't she just admit it to the guy? Nothing ventured, nothing gained etc and all that jazz.

I would. I siriusly would if I could. But I can't. Doing so would be akin to jumping out a 10-storey building. I will get nothing from it, except being squished to the pavement.

Oh, heartbreak my friend. You haven't visited me in so long. You're one guest that I want to welcome and yet want to murder inside my house.

Well, at least heartbreak brings my muse with it. Nepenthe, welcome.

------------

I found that that top part is WAY too emo.

So here's an amusing story.

This happened yesterday in Bio/Chem class. My teacher was giving this girl in my class a new password for her school account.

Teacher: Okay. Your new password is "secret". Just change it when you're in.
Girl: What?!
Teacher: Your new password is "secret". The word, "secret".
Girl: How am I supposed to remember that?!
Teacher: Remember what? Your new password is "secret". What's there to remember?
Girl: But how am I supposed to remember that?!
Teacher: It's "secret"! S-E-C-R-E-T! The word "secret!"
Girl: Oh, I'll never remember that!
Random guy: Dear GOD! Is it possible to be so stupid?!?!
Random guy 2: Yes. Yes it is.
Me: *busy hitting head on laptop*

Please note: That girl was COMPLETELY serious.