Things Don't Always End The Way We Want

...but sometimes, the ending turns out to fit perfectly.

My favourite movies EVER in the entire world are Kill Bill vol 1 and vol 2.

I love everything about them. I love the crazy, bloody violence in volume 1. I love the toned-down, film noir feel of volume 2. I love how they both tell the same story, but in drastically different ways.

Lots of people complained about how the final showdown between The Bride and Bill was anticlimactic. It was indeed the shortest fight in both movies (there was a longer, more intense showdown planned, but was scratched due to budget/scheduling conflicts). But I don't mind, really. I think it ended the whole story perfectly. It added a brilliant touch of realism by reflecting a prominent truth in life; things don't always end the way we expect. We don't always get to say goodbye; we don't always get to resolve conflicts properly. And sometimes, even when we do get closure, it doesn't always happen the way we want.

So yes. In life, lots of things end rather anticlimactically.

I could go on and on and make a list of EVERYTHING I love about both movies... but that list would just go on forever, and I don't have forever... so I'll just end this post by quoting my favourite part from the final chapter: Face to Face.

---------------

Bill: And for the record; letting somebody think that somebody they love is dead - when they're not - is quite cruel! I mourned you for three months... and in the third month of mourning you, I tracked you down. I wasn't trying to track *you* down, I was trying to track down the fucking assholes that I thought had killed you. So I find you! And what do I find? Not only are you not dead; you're getting married to some fucking jerk... and you're pregnant! I... overreacted.

Beatrix: .... you 'overreacted'? Is that your explanation?

Bill: I didn't say I was going to explain myself; I said I was gonna tell you the truth. But if that's too cryptic; let's get literal... I'm a killer. I'm a murdering bastard; you know that. And there are consequences to breaking the heart of a murdering bastard. You experienced some of them. Was my reaction really that surprising?

Beatrix: Yes, it was. Could you do what you did? Of course you could. But I never thought you would or could do that to me.

Bill: I'm really sorry Kiddo, but you thought wrong.

And then they fight, and she kills him.

PERFECTION, in my humble opinion. So much raw emotion hidden in between the lines. I LOVE IT TO BITS.

She Blogs, She Blogs!

Ooh look, she blogs again!

I find that it's such a struggle to express myself now. I whine and moan and retell stories to my friends on a regular basis without any problems. But blogging, on the other hand, involves opening up to strangers AND attempting to sort through my thoughts - which thanks to recent events have become even more chaotic than usual.

I cannot even begin to describe the intense urge running through me now to just flee and close this post and let it stew as a draft (as I've done numerous times in the past few months; effectively explaining why I only have 8 posts for this entire year).

I've been told that even though I chatter about stuff a lot, I'm actually incredibly closed and reserved, particularly about stuff that bothers me. I should open myself up more, the person said, before effectively stabbing me straight through my still-wounded heart (but not consciously on purpose.)

I have sooooo many stories to tell, but I just CAN'T bring myself to actually TELL them here. Reason #1 is something I may have mentioned before; a creed that I forced upon myself when I was younger - 'leave no evidence behind!' It's something that I have tried to contradict throughout the years by starting diaries and journals... only to lose and stop writing in the end. I have quite a collection of unfinished diaries because of this. Diaries that were dutifully updated daily, before the gaps started appearing and the updates became more sparse, until the whole thing just ended abruptly. No formal goodbyes, no official 'this is the end of this diary'. Just a regular update that would turn out to be the last one, followed by blank pages.

That seems like quite a scary parallel to mortality, but I have no wish to dwell upon that train of thought.

Anyway, reason #2 would be the 'running from something'... thing. I dunno. There's *something* in my mind that scares me. Something buried that I don't want to uncover. It's like my mind is a library, and as of now the shelves are in disarray and lots of books are on the ground. Every time I try and sort them out; pick them up and put them back where they belong, I'm filled with an incredible sense of dread... like I'll discover something hiding beneath a pile of books, or something hiding behind a shelf. I'm pretty sure it's just my mind exaggerating... I'm actually willing to bet that if I do discover a monster, it'll turn out to be a fluffy little bunny rabbit. Like the one in Monty Python and The Holy Grail. Perfectly innocent.

Pain or no pain, though, I have decided that I will be blogging more on a regular basis. The main reason being that I don't want my writing skills to atrophy while I'm on my gap year. The other reason would be that I cannot let the library of my mind fall into decay. I have to start sorting shit out... can't postpone it any longer. I may feel like shards of glass are shooting through me every time I pick up a thought and try to sort it out... but one's got to do what one's got to do.

Maybe in a couple of month's time, I'll feel well enough to start telling stories again.

Before I leave for now though; here's an epiphany that came about while I was washing my face earlier (I know.. don't even start):

I'm atheist by choice. I put a great deal of thought into it a while back, and realized that it made much more sense than believing in something simply because my family said so. I've also stopped believing in a meaningful, orderly universe with a cosmic scale that dishes out good stuff for good people and bad stuff for bad people.

There is no god; we just like to think that. The universe is meaningless, as is our existence.

But I don't mind that at all.

There is no god that dictates what I should or should not do. There is no god that watches over every single thing that I do. My mistakes are my own, and I can fail as often as I need without having to fear punishment; my triumphs are my own.

There is no great plan; there is no meaning; there is just chaos. But it is up to me to create my own little bubble of order. It is up to me to create something out of this meaningless tumult.

I feel free. No, wait. I AM free. And I love that.

All human beings should try to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why.
- James Thurber

She Lives

I live!

So it's been a while. Lots of things have happened. Lots. Interesting things.

But I don't think I'll be blogging about them. Well, maybe I'll write about some minute events, but I don't think I'll be talking about the most relevant ones in the near future.

Two reasons for this;

a) It's not just *my* story alone. Granted, I'll be retelling it from my point of view, but that doesn't change the fact that there are other people involved in the story, and it might be seen as a breach of trust if I publish it on the interwebz.

b) I may have retold the story to my group of friends so many times that I can't be arsed to retell it again. I could end up just copy-pasting what I've sent to 3 different groups of people in 3 different languages. So there.

But anyway, I think I shall blog again. I am taking a gap year, and I don't want my writing skills to atrophy during that time. Besides, I really liked how even just typing about random stuff helped maintain order in the chaos that is my mind.

I think that shall be all, for today. I'll be back again soon. Maybe next time I shall speak in coded messages about what happened since the last time I updated.

Self-Diagnosis

Right.

I think I know what my problem is.

I've already established that I have a bad habit of running when things get uncomfortable. Well, basically, *that* is my problem. For a supposedly emotional creature, I don't really allow myself to feel. I let myself be giddy with happiness; float high above clouds and all that shite. But I tend to run at the first sign of anything negative. It's fairly obvious when I watch TV - if the main character has to go through disappointment or embarrassment of any kind, it takes all my strength to keep myself from switching channels or bolting out of the room.

This, from a person who genuinely hates all the cutesy fluffy stuff Disney has to offer.

I run. I run, or I suppress stuff. When life throws me a curve ball, I look away from it and distract myself with other things. Very unhealthy habit. Because ignoring or running away from said things don't really make them go away. If anything, it has the potential of making them stronger. Instead of facing up to them the moment they appear, I turn my back, and so they join together with whichever new shite comes along, and then I have twice as many demons to contend with.

I should allow myself to feel. What am I afraid of? I'm not going to break.

Maybe I'm afraid cause when I let myself feel - I *really* do feel. But I tend to be sadder than most people because I let things pile up. Maybe I should stop doing that and gather up the courage to stand my ground and face whatever's coming.

I mean... Fuck's sake.

But even Timelords run. Why can't I?

Oh, the ones that ran away. I never stopped.

- The Tenth Doctor

My Catharsis, All Mine

So I've not blogged in... quite a long time. I've actually got no one to apologize for but myself, or perhaps this blog who has probably been feeling quite lonely. I haven't visited this blog for so long that Google Chrome doesn't even auto-complete the URL anymore. That, I find quite sad.

It's just that there was a lot of school stuff that needed doing, and I've had to churn out essay after essay after essay, so now writing feels like such a chore. I've gotten A's on quite a few papers though, so I guess that has to count for something.

It's not just that, though. I think the main reason for me not posting anything here is... I'm running. Running from my own thoughts; afraid of what might come to the surface if I start jotting down the superficial ones.

Running. Bad habit. If only I could be arsed to do it in a literal way, then perhaps it'd be more productive.

There are days, however, when one realizes that the running has to stop at some point; that demons must be faced and dealt with. That, or one may simply be out of energy. I don't know which stage I'm at. Could be a combination of the two. Either way, I've decided to face the feckers.

With writing comes catharsis. But the process isn't entirely painless. Writing helps bring order to thoughts that otherwise mull about aimlessly on the surface. But organizing those reveals the even wilder chaos that lurks beneath. Few are brave enough to face that chaos willingly; I am not one of them. I run because I don't want to glimpse whatever is hidden in the recesses of my mind. I don't know what I'm afraid of, really. Compared to most people, my personal demons are not particularly vicious. But that still doesn't change the fact that I feel like bolting every few seconds even as I write this. Every bit of me is screaming at me to go do something else that is more fun - something mindless - anything. Just not this.

I'm listening to music to drown out the protests.

I've also stopped updating my diary. Another bad habit. I've got plenty of diaries from years past that were just discontinued quite abruptly. Then one day, I feel well enough again to pick up a pen and write about my life, and then the process begins again. I feel like this is a cycle that must be broken.

What is it with me? What is it that I'm so afraid of? Sticks and stones can break bones, words will never hurt (except they can), but thoughts can drag one down in ways one can't even begin to imagine.

What am I afraid of?

I don't know.

I just run. I try and keep myself busy, but the thoughts catch up eventually. And dark thoughts have a tendency to become even more vicious when one tries to suppress them.

I wish this update could be cheerier. But then that wouldn't be helpful to me at all, would it?

I knew there would be a price to pay for me choosing to take Philosophy. It's always like this. One has to take the madness that comes with the nuggets of wisdom. It's a wonder my philosophy teacher hasn't gone insane. Oh, wait...

So what am I afraid of?

I know who I am and I know that might (and most likely will) change. I know what I'm capable of and what I am not. I know that some memories hurt; but just like ordinary blades they will eventually dull and lose their ability to cause pain. I know that everything changes. I know that no matter how much I want to hold on to old things I have to learn to let go. I know all too well the pain that comes from watching (or worse; letting) opportunities saunter by.

I know, and I feel.

What am I so afraid of?

I should maybe stop running. One must stand still in order to kick asses.

Old quote, but I feel that it fits.

An artist is a creature driven by demons. He doesn't know why they choose him and he's usually too busy to wonder why.

- William Faulkner

Quotes and No Apology

I love quotations because it is a joy to find thoughts one might have, beautifully expressed with much authority by someone recognized wiser than oneself.
- Marlene Dietrich

Emo Forrest Gump:
When Forrest said life was like a box of chocolates, was he saying that life is a cheap and unoriginal present that's only truly enjoyable for a maximum of three days?
- John Brodish

All human beings should try to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why.
- James Thurber

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
- Rita Mae Brown

My name is Alice and I remember everything.
- Alice (Resident Evil)

Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's First Law of Equivalent Exchange.
- Alphonse Elric (Full Metal Alchemist)

Man is a tragic animal. Not because of his smallness, but because he is too well endowed. Man has longings and spiritual demands that reality cannot fulfill. We have expectations of a just and moral world. Man requires meaning in a meaningless world.
- Peter Wessel Zapffe

It's hard to pretend like you don't care when you actually do.
It's hard to pretend like you care when you actually don't.




And yes, btw. I am alive.

Who's Back?

It's back.

Just in time for the holiday I hate the most.

For love is no part of the dream-world. Love belongs to desire, and desire is always cruel.

- SANDMAN #9: "Tales in the Sand"

No Pictures, Just Travel

Oh dear.

I've been meaning to update earlier... but life has a way of, well... happening.

They say it's better to be a traveler and not a tourist, because tourists are too busy taking pictures/ videos to actually enjoy themselves. It's true. Dylan Moran said something to that effect - one isn't actually there, cause one becomes too busy taking pictures of everyone having a good time.

Anyway, the reason for that extremely convoluted and shallowly philosophical paragraph is that... As of now, I'm not taking pictures. I'm not filming anything. I'm just being a traveler; backpacking along the unexplored paths of my life. There are many trails, and I have absolutely no idea where any of them lead - signs can be misleading and everything is prone to change. But I wouldn't know for sure until I walk.

I won't use up all my time taking pictures. I'm just going to walk.

I've been walking the sci-fi path lately, and it is such a marvelous experience! I'm more of a geek now than when I first turned this route - I am now able to nod sagely and actually understand the complexities of that wibbly wobbly, timey wimey stuff. Well - some of it.

In between my last post and this one I watched the season finale of Doctor Who. The first part sent chills down my spine. The second part... well... I bawled my eyes out, as expected. It took a while to get over it, but I'm coming to terms with it now. Tennant is too talented to stay in one show, and at least now he can attend conventions... where fangirls can glomp him to within an inch of his life.

But it's fine now. I'm fine now. Torchwood has come to my aid. I seem to be developing a thing for Capt Jack Harkness, which isn't healthy... quite worrying, actually.

I listed in my new year's resolutions that I will stop reading YouTube comments. Sadly, I broke that rule not long after January 1st, thanks to John Barrowman and his partner Scott Gill. They were so ridiculously cute that I lost my mind and scrolled down to see what other people had to say about them. The good news is that a vast majority of people are normal, fully functioning human beings with actual emotions and common sense. The sad news is that trolls will always speak louder, and that no matter how hard you wish it is still impossible to manually reach out and strangle a person over the internet.

Someday, though... one beautiful day in the future...

Being is the great explainer.

- Henry David Thoreau

An Extremely Long Update

Time flies, does it not? Time only loiters when you're doing something you don't like - math class, for instance.

Again, it's been a while since I last updated. Life has a way of suddenly presenting itself and hijacking all your free time. And of course Time, being a slut, always walks off with anything that comes along. Did that make sense? Of course not.

What has happened since my last post? Well...

University applications were sent to my five choices. Curiously, only one uni is in England - the rest are in Scotland. Coincidence? Maybe.

On a totally unrelated note, I'm falling more and more in love with scottish actor David Tennant. I'm really sad about his departure from Doctor Who... but on the bright side, he can go to Doctor Who conventions now! (where he will most likely be glomped and groped by rabid fangirls. My advantage is that I know karate. TRY AND TOUCH HIM NOW!!!!!)

So adorable it'll make your head explode.

I had my long awaited Philosophy exam. Standing there was the reason why I quit in the first place, proving once again that Fate and the Universe both have a delicious sense of irony, and are total bastards. Whatever - I got an A.

The day after said exam, I had a Biology test. I learned from said test that our Biology teacher is an evil sadist.
Several days of hardcore reviewing = a very tired authoress. Hopefully, that explains why I couldn't be arsed to update.

Something lovely happened on Dec 18. I had too much coffee that day, and was on the final stage of caffeine consumption (i.e. The Crash). It was Philosophy class, and we were supposed to watch a movie - Dracula with Keanu Reeves and his horrendous faux English accent. My favorite teacher says he'll go get some coffee, my friend and I jokingly tell him to get some for us as well. And what do you know - he did! He came back with 3 cups of coffee! And that is why the students absolutely love that teacher.

I've started watching Torchwood. Fantastic show! Russell T. Davies is, without a doubt, one of the greatest writers of his generation! (Yeah, yeah I know - he doesn't write every episode. But he created the show!)
In other news, I'm also loving John Barrowman more and more - but in a platonic sense. I just think he's adorable; a fabulous ray of sunshine, and he's doubly cute when with his partner Scott Gill. Seriously, more power to them.

Then the 21st came, and I watched Eddie Izzard's show!! Live! That man is a comedic genius! Topics included god being a drug addict, Jesus having tons of siblings (Asus, Bsus, Csus...), ninja sheep, giraffe sign language and so on. I nearly died laughing.

Yeah, yeah - no cameras allowed. But you know what? Bite me.

I got tons of books this christmas. It reminded me of a quote from Albus Dumbledore himself.

"One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn't get a pair. People will insist on giving me books."

Admittedly, I did request those books... but damn. I still want socks. (I did get some though!)

The story I was working on didn't win the competition this year. I was a bit disappointed, cause I thought it to be a quaint and original story. But I'm feeling better about it now, mainly because I started reading Neil Gaiman's 'Fragile Things', and in the intro he wrote;

"Sometimes you just show stories to the wrong people, and nobody's going to like everything."

My plan to lose myself in the Gaiman universe still hasn't happened... but it will happen soon. One of these days.

BTW, a very belated Happy Christmas to Pope Benedict XVI and the lady in red. Thank you for making my holiday season.

My holiday season wasn't that grand. Mostly because I couldn't choose who I spent it with. To make matters worse - I got a cold (with fever as its companion). However, the Universe tried to comfort me by giving me dreams about David Tennant. It worked. The cold lasted only 5 days, but I considered trying to prolong it, if only to make the dreams last longer.

I watched 'The End of Time: Part 1', or in layman's terms - David Tennant's penultimate episode as The Doctor. Holy everything, that was an EPIC episode. It was like Shakespeare wrote LoTR, Star Wars, Star Trek, X-Men and The Matrix, with a bit of Harry Potter on the side. I'm anxiously looking forward to Part 2, but I do hope they explain everything properly.

BTW, just wondering; why does so much shite happen during Christmas in the Doctor Who universe?

Anyway, so 2009 is coming to an end. To be completely honest, it was quite a depressing year. Prominent deaths left, right, and center (although I didn't really care much), wars, bloodshed, natural disasters and financial crises... I hope 2010 will be a much better year.

My New Year's Resolutions (more will be added later)

• I will stop reading YouTube comments (or comments on any other website, really) so as to preserve my already dwindling faith on humanity.
• I will stop using the word 'gay' to describe something I do not like. I'll start using other adjectives, such as 'lame' or 'rubbish'.

I leave you now with this quote from 'The End of Time':

Oh my lord... She's a cactus!
- Wilf

Happy New Year, everyone!

It's A Bloody Good Day, Is What It Is

True that.

I finished my personal statement - 3425 characters (585 words)!

I just had my Karate graduation. Blue belt FTW!

I have a box of mixed chocolates, courtesy of my mother.

My university application is going along rather fantastically.

The story I'm trying to write is helping me out now by writing itself.

So fecking hell. Life is good.

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.<
- Rita Mae Brown

Over 7,000 Words

Whilst fuming today, I came to realize that I become exceptionally cranky when I don't get enough sleep. Add stress and lack of caffeine to that mixture and the Large Hadron Collider suddenly seems like a waste of funds. You want The Big Bang? I'll give you The Big Bang.

Anyway...

Iced milk tea in Hong Kong. I miss it so much.
Both the country and the drink.

Greentea milkshake. Not in Japan, sadly.
It was fantastic nevertheless. I also miss it.

Ice cream formed like tiny beads! I used to have this as a child, but the country I live in now doesn't have them. Needless to say I relished every 'dot'.

Fun fact: I nearly killed someone while purchasing this ice cream. As you all know, I train Karate. I went up to the booth and placed my order, and did not know that there was someone behind me. I moved to get my wallet from my pocket, and elbowed a lady in the chest. That move is a Karate technique, and I could've actually stopped her heart.
Sorry about that.

Fancy a hug, luv?
From last winter. Fun with the exchange students.

My first proper Espresso!
It led to a colorful day.

We had to watch some boring movie. My friend brought snacks.
This happened.

:O
With my favorite teacher at the back.
You see that inconspicuous coffee cup at the right of this thumb-Harry?
Yeah, that's to blame.

Men are driven by testosterone, women are driven by Toblerone.
- Jo Brand

Statements and Being Shipwrecked

I have to write a personal statement for university... It's not as easy as I hoped it would be. I want to come off as mature and professional, but so far I've written several drafts (in my head), and I always end up sounding like a pompous, arrogant brat.

So yes. I think I need to put this off until later. Next Tuesday, most likely. I shall then consume ungodly amounts of caffeine to speed up the process.

Whilst discussing this issue with my dear friends, the one who resembles Mufasa told me I should finish it as soon as possible because he wanted to read it. He then asked, how much do you love yourself?

I replied;

I love myself to the point of refusing to let others eat me in the event of a shipwreck.

And it's true. If such a situation arises, I would drizzle my dying self with poison. Because if those feckers want to eat me, I'll be taking them down with me, thank you very much.

I'm really happy with that answer. I hope this means my creative dry spell is coming to an end!

Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.
- John Russell

This Authoress Hates Something and Plays Games

I hate gym.

I totally, absolutely, unequivocally HATE gym. I've already ranted about this before (look here), so this won't really come as a surprise to anyone.

What is that subject for anyway? I understand the need to balance schoolwork with physical shite, but isn't it enough that students have to lug huge, heavy bags filled with books up several flights of stairs? Besides, if students really wanted to exercise, then let them do so on their own free time! Don't force them to run a marathon*, lift a car* or wrestle with a lion*, and then give them an F if they fail to do any of those things.

(*all these things are exaggerations... or are they?)

What schools seem to fail to comprehend is this; sometimes, it's enough to be smart. It's enough to be able to solve complex Physics equations without having to write with a 10 lbs piece of chalk. If that were the case, we wouldn't have Professor Stephen Hawking - we'd have Professor David Beckham.

-----

In other news...

I haven't been updating much, have I? Yes, I noticed that too. 1 update for September, and 1 for October. It's quite sad.

In my defense - I was swamped with schoolwork. Reports, presentations, tests and homework and all that. Oh, and facebook games.

Facebook games are EVIL! At first you think, it's just a game - it couldn't possibly do any harm. But then you find yourself caring more and more about it with each passing day. Then suddenly, you find that you're level 30+ on some pet/restaurant/wizardry game and your days seem shorter.

I am at the very least, proud to say that I don't play Farmville. Even though I just created a character for that one last night. I won't play it, honest. It was just part of a deal with my friend when she agreed to be my neighbor in Pet Society (we both need the coins).

-----

I wish I could write something more substantial here, but I've got nothing. Yet.

My blogging skills are rusty. I shall start posting more regularly again. Expect me every Tuesdays, cause that's when I've got loads of time on my hands.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
- Noel Coward

You Shall Read This And Nod Sagely

The danger of knowing too much is that things tend to become boring and meaningless.

Several times during the course of our lives, we'll find ourselves in situations where the urge to lie down and give up becomes overwhelming. Some give in. Others march on, without really knowing why they do so.

Hemingway was right; wise people can never truly be happy. They can't stop marching - they're too curious as to what lies ahead. But at the same time, they've already figured out what lies ahead, and know that the march is futile at best.

Times change. But most of all, people change.

Life: so many mysteries to uncover, so little time. All for the best, maybe. If mankind obtained the answers to all their questions, what then would be the point of living?

Her realm is close, and can be visited; however, human minds were not made to comprehend her domain, and those few who have made the journey have been incapable of reporting back more than the tiniest fragments.
- a description of Delirium (The Sandman: Season of Mists, "a prologue")

ThisHasToBeReallyQuickBecauseOMGI'veGotThingsToDo

...and I have to procrastinate!

Hello, hello. Nearly a month has gone since my last update. Things have been pretty hectic. Tests here and there, reports to write, projects to finish, presentations and all that jazz. In addition, this so-called thing called 'life' appeared and dragged me off to various places.

What has happened since my last post, hmm...

There was a Mensa conference, which was fun. The one thing I loved the most was that I could be as incredibly awkward as I wanted to and no one batted an eye. I love my people. It was a fecking IQ-test though, to find the place. I failed that test, seeing as I have the navigational capabilities of a blind tortoise lying on its back. But this story craves another post altogether, and frankly, I don't have the time.

The weekend after that I went to this anime conference. Twas fun! Once again, I love my people. I loved the looks on the ordinary people's faces as they walked past the queue. If facial expressions could speak, theirs would've likely said "WTF is happening??!" I can't blame them. It's not everyday you see Batman, various anime characters, vampires, zombies, ninjas and Darth Vader standing in line outside a building.

Booty shall be listed some other time.

And oh, yeah. This happened:

Omg I found my father!!!

So basically, I've got a bunch of books I want to read, a bunch of TV shows I want to catch up on, a bunch of anime series I want to watch and etc. But I can't...

...because of T.E.E.S.

But all is not lost, for I have found a new ally! Her name is Coffee, and she is my friend.

Gotta go now, I have a test tomorrow and 21 pages left to read.

COFFEE!!!

PS: We watched Persuasion (2007) in English class, and it's safe to say I've fallen in love with another one of Ms Austen's men. I also loved a line from the blurb at the back of the book... So melodic, so beautiful. It shall be my parting quote for now.

A love story tinged with the heartache of missed opportunities.

Excuses and Stories

So hello. It's been a while.

I could pretend that I've been kept busy by T.E.E.S. and so on, but really, I've only got my own laziness to blame. Well that, and Mock The Week... and MLIA... and those shiny online games. T.E.E.S. is partially to blame too, to be quite honest, as this past month I've been doing mostly nothing but running around trying to meet deadlines. But it's my autumn break! So finally, I can sit down and relax!

...not really, I've got shiteloads of things that are due after autumn break, so boo.

Quick recap of how my super-duper-über-extra-amazingly-fantastically-fabulously-fascinating life has played out:

Biology excursion: I went to the mountains! It was awesome, except for the climbing part... and the report we had to write later. But really, it was awesome.

The View

Class picture: Since the powers-that-be decided to be lame and only take portrait pictures, our class took matters in our own hands and took our own class picture! Shame that some people were absent that day, but meh.

Coffee, loads of coffee~

History test: There were loads of other tests, but this one is special. Our teacher has a nice policy that allows us to retake tests until we get a grade that we're satisfied with. I felt that my previous one was shite, so I actually stayed up late, and woke up early to review. Turns out, I didn't really need to retake that one because I got an A.

Presents: I got presents! From Bean! Oh joy!! :D

Gym: is the bane of my existence. We had to run 2 km, and I cheated by jumping on a guy's back. I felt awesome, until he dropped me 3 seconds later and I had to run on my own.

Hamlet: I'm actually pleased with my English class this year. It's focus is on literature, and so I stated last year that I would go bananas if we Shakespeare wasn't mentioned at least once. Not only did we discuss The Bard more than once, we also analyzed his sonnets and watched 'Shakespeare in Love' *and* 'Hamlet'. AND we played Jeopardy (which I totally won). AND I saw in our book that we're going to discuss Brokeback Mountain. So yes - I'm very much pleased. More than pleased, even.

Hugh Laurie: I actually dreamed that I was in a relationship with Hugh Laurie. Not Dr House - Hugh Laurie. It was weird.

Eddie Izzard: My tickets finally arrived!!! I'm seeing him this December!!! w00t!!

I met my soulmate: Well, not really... but there was this guy who was wearing an Urahara hat.

An Urahara hat

My friends and I spotted him when we were on our way to gym class. My friend jokingly wagered that she would give me a hundred *and* be my servant during autumn break if I went over and touched the guy. She must've underestimated the amount of caffeine in my system that day, because I promptly ran over to the guy and asked for a hug. I then noticed that he was wearing one of my favorite shirts:

But a lie told a thousand times can become the truth!

If that's not meant to be, ladies and gentlemen, then I don't know what is.

Oh, and I'm working on a great story. I got the idea while walking home from school. I hope to finish it sometime during autumn break... I've got loads of other projects I'm working on, but I'll manage.

Until next time!

An artist is a creature driven by demons. He doesn't know why they choose him and he's usually too busy to wonder why.
- William Faulkner

I Am Not A Masochist

My fingers hurt... mainly because since this morning I've been strumming wires sharp enough to decapitate someone.

Yeah, I decided to finally pick up my lonely guitar and teach myself to play. This poor instrument has done nothing but collect dust in my room. Today, it can finally serve its purpose. I've always loved guitars, so it's probably high time that I learn how to play.

I'm doing pretty well now... After 8 hours of practice, I can play Pachelbel's Canon quite decently!

I just hate that I keep imagining the strings cutting through my fingers... I'm particularly wary of the C Major chord...

But yeah. Off to murder my fingers again!

I want every girl in the world to pick up a guitar and start screaming.
- Courtney Love

Like Tea, Apparently

How does one blog about breaking someone's heart? Is there really a proper way to do it?

You can't possibly feel comfortable about rejecting someone when you've felt the pain of rejection yourself. But you also can't let yourself be swayed by others' emotions... you can't enter a relationship merely out of sympathy...

Matters of the heart are always messy. How can it not be? You're ripping out your heart and handing it over to another person.

Love is just like a cup of tea;
when properly mixed, it has a wonderful aroma.
If it is too strong, it will be too bitter to drink.
- Jing Si

Nutter in The Woods

Last night, I was at a party, and it very nearly turned into a stereotypical horror movie. 'Twas fun though.

Here's what happened;

We were in a cottage in the middle of the woods, next to some old, unused mines. The festivities started at around 8pm, but the real heart-pounding fun did not start until around the stroke of midnight.

Around 11 pm, the guys thought it would be fun to go and explore the old mines. After a while, the girls started getting curious as to where the guys had gone and why they hadn't come back yet. The males did eventually return, but they kept going back outside. Due to incessant queries by the females (you do not hide shite from females), the guys then admitted the reason for their vigil outside; apparently they had seen an unknown man walk past them, past the mines and towards the woods. This got them a bit curious, as there was nothing there - no reason for anyone to go there so late in the night. But they didn't think much of it.

And then they heard a scream.

While all that was happening, myself and two friends were chatting by a window, oblivious to whatever was happening outside. Then we saw something hit the windowpane. Pretty soon it became clear that *someone was knocking on the glass and scraping a glove against it*. Our initial thought was that it was just someone we knew who was messing around with us, but it quickly became obvious that we were mistaken. All the girls were inside, and all the guys were congregated outside the entrance - situated at the other end of the cabin.

By this time it was clear to everyone that some nutter was messing around with us. Midnight saw everyone gathered around the door, looking at each other with an expression of apprehension. I'm pretty sure the word on everyone's mind at that moment was a four-letter word starting with 'F' and ending with 'uck'.

Anyway, we weren't really sure what to do yet, so we all just stood there, waiting. Then I looked out a window from across the room and saw a face. I thought, 'Reflection?', but then soon realized that it was not. Lying perpendicular to that window was a long table, so there was no way anyone could've stood there. Then the guys saw something from another window and the tension increased threefold. We locked all the windows and gathered around the now-locked entrance. The birthday girl called her parents to ask if they could stop by and check on us. Pretty much everyone was looking at each other nervously, having seen one too many horror movies in their time.

The guys were impressively quite brave. Once again they decided to stand guard outside and wait until our hostess' parents arrived. So they gave us girls explicit instructions to keep the door locked, then went outside. I then understood why boys usually die first in horror movies - they lack the ability that girls have to get scared and stay inside where it's safe! To show my support though, I gave one of them a fireplace poker.

"Don't stand there unarmed."

Even after the parentals arrived, the nutter kept on throwing stuff at the house - twigs and nuts and whatnot. There really was nothing the guys could do, as it was dark and near zero-visibility in the woods. I, however, made myself pretty useful by lecturing people on how not to die when in a horror movie. "Don't have sex," I told them, "You'll die first." True story.

At around 1am we all decided to call it a night. People went home, and the nutter was never discovered or caught. He's still there, and who knows what he'll be up to next time.

Rules to Survive a Horror Movie, #22-23: (Source Unknown)

The first woman to either lose or remove her clothing is dead meat.

The guy with the testosterone overdose is also dead meat.

It's Thursday

The week is nearly over. But my Bleach marathon remains at a standstill. In a previous post, I explained how TEES was responsible for the setback. It still is, though this time it was joined by its sometimes-friend-often-enemy, Life.

As I also mentioned last time, I was ambushed by 3 countries under TEES. I did come out of the scuffle victorious, having beaten Gymland to a pulp, outspanishing El País de la Clase de Español, and pounding the microorganisms out of Biocountry.

But oh, the old Empire was not done with me, no.

Since last week there were talks of TEES sending out its Special Forces Unit; EXAM (Evil Xtrabastardly Academic Motherf*ckers). So I dropped everything in my schedule and prepared for the assault. Today was the day they were to strike, apparently. Thankfully, my fears proved unjustified, as the only thing EXAM had for me in their arsenal was a tiny, inconsequential cherry bomb called International English.

And Life! Damn it, Life. Nearly all the time, Life's ideals clash with TEES', but this one time they managed to set their differences aside and banded together to sabotage me. It very nearly worked, Life, but it didn't. Close... but no cigar.

It's a strange world I live in, dear reader(s). As if TEES and Life - two major organizations - weren't enough, I was also visited by the demons Procra and Stinashun. They tied me up and forced me to do NOTHING for hours on end. So really, what can I do?

Bah, who cares, really? I won't have my exams until June, so I'm good.

Before I go, I'd just like to note;

Once again, this sign... *sigh*

Why do you haunt me?

Life isn't weird: it's just the people in it.